Humorous stories from Amma – Part 3 (15 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

1.  Thanklessness

[Amma: “Man shamelessly take things from nature with utter greed. He never seems to be thankful for whatever he has received”].

Once a man was standing in a bus stop. Since the bus he was waiting to board broke down, there was lot of delay. As the man kept looking around idly, he noticed an ice-cream vendor nearby. During the long period of waiting, nobody seemed to buy any icecream from the vendor. Seeing his impoverished looks, the passenger took pity on the vendor and asked, “How much does a cup of ice-cream cost?”

“Five rupees” said the vendor. The man took out a five rupee coin from his pocket gave it to the vendor, and walked away without collecting the ice-cream, intentionally.  The but too gor repaired by that time and he boarded the bus and went away.

A couple of days later too, the man came to the ice-cream vendor, asked for the ice-cream, gave another 5 rupees, and went away without collecting the ice-cream.

Within the next one year or so, the same thing happened several times.

One day the man came to the vendor once again. This time the vendor could not contain his curiosity. He asked, “Sir, may  I know why you are giving me five rupees again and again but not collecting the ice-cream?”

The man said, “See, I have no liking for ice-cream. When I gave you five rupees for the first time, I was feeling that I should do some little help to you, since you were not doing any business for long, as I watched you from a distance from the bus stand. Actually, I was waiting in the bus stand that day to catch my bus to go to a job interview. Surprisingly, I got the job and I came and donated another five rupees for you”

“You were giving money a few more times too subsequently; why?” asked the vendor.

The man said, “At one time, I got a huge order for my company and I received a good incentive money for it. I came here the next day and gave money to you. Subsequently, I got a promotion quickly and I came here again. To day, i have come here to give your five rupees because I got promoted to Manager post today!”

The vendor said coolly, “Sir, it’s all fine. But I have to tell you something; since last week, the price of the ice-cream has been increased from five rupees to ten rupees”.

(Devi bhava satsang abroad 4/3/2015)

2.  How to lessen the shock

[Amma: “Effective communication is very important for good relationships”]

Once a wife went on a tour while her husband stayed back. She was very fond of her pet cat and gave strict instructions to her husband to take good care of the cat during her absence.

One day, the cat climbed over the roof of the house. Unfortunately it slipped from there, fell down and died.

The husband sent an SMS to his wife: “Your cat is dead”. The wife was very shocked and got very upset. She cut short of her trip and returned home. She shouted at her husband for his carelessness and said, “You won’t understand what a huge shock it was for me to see your sudden SMS informing of the cat’s death. You see, you should have a heart for understanding your wife’s sentiments and have some tact to convey the message. You should have first told me ‘the cat climbed onto the roof’. Then you must have informed ‘it fell down, got some injury and is undergoing treatment’, then ‘the cat is in serious condition’ and finally, ‘the cat passed away’. This way I would be able to absorb the bad news step by step, digest it without getting a shock”.

“Okay, dear; I understood” said the husband.

The wife left again to resume her tour. Within a few days, she got an SMS from her husband: “Your mother climbed on the roof”.

(Devi bhava satsang abroad 4/3/2015)

3.  The drunkard’s resolve

Once a drunkard went to a new bar and ordered 3 glasses of drink.  The bartender asked “Why are you asking for 3 glasses, Sir? You have come alone”.

The drunkard said, “I had two best friends and we normally drink together; one has left for USA and the other left for Australia in pursuit of their jobs; now I want to drink their share too, in fond memory of them”.

The drunkard kept visiting the same bar everyday and his habit of ordering 3 glasses and drinking all of them became regular.

One day he came to the bar as usual and ordered only two glasses of drink. The friendly bartender said, “I am sorry about it”.

“Why are you feeling sorry?” asked the drunkard.

“Since you ordered only two glasses of drink, I thought one of your friends might have died”.

“Don’t  say any such nonsense to me! Both of them are hale and healthy”.

“Sorry sir;  Then why did you order only two glasses of whisky today?” asked the bartender with curiosity.

“See, I have become quite concerned about my health. My doctor too advised me to stop drinking. So,  I have decided to stop drinking from today.  It is MY share of the drinks that I did not order today; Understand?”

4.  The patient listener-1

Once a scholar gave a lecture to a gathering of 3000 people in a large hall. He was so much immersed in his monolog that he kept talking on and on and the audience started getting bored. people started leaving the hall one by one and then gradually more and more. But the scholar kept continuing unabated. After a while, the whole hall was empty except for one person sitting at the front row and listening.

Finally the scholar stopped. He felt very happy to see at least one person sitting through the lecture till the end and he felt very thankful to him. He appreciated the man and asked, “Did you find the entire talk so helpful to you?”

The man replied: “No sir; the ‘asana’ (mat) on which you are sitting and delivering the talk belongs to my wife. If I  go home without collecting it, she will scold me!”.

5.  The sad story at the end

[Amma: “The importance of spirituality in life should be grasped early in life. Leading a life without spirituality and realizing the need much later in life will only bring sorrow.”]

Once three friends Ramu, Somu and Komu went on a holiday to a new city. They stayed in a hotel and their room was at the 60th floor.

They took a cab to go round sight seeing in the city. There was a rule followed in the hotel that the elevators would be switched off at 12 at midnight and hence all the guests were advised beforehand that they should ensure return to the hotel before midnight.

Ramu, Somu and Komu who spent the whole day in sight seeing and then in partying at a bar till late night; they  forgot totally about the Hotel rules. When they returned to the hotel in a cab, it was 1 AM and the elevator was already switched off. They had no option but to walk up all the 60 floors using the stairs.

Ramu said, “To forget the strain of climbing up, I will keep cracking jokes till we reach 20th floor; from 20th to 40th floor, let Somu keep telling happy stories; from 40th to 60th floor, let Komu keep telling sad stories”. The friends agreed.

Hearing Ramu’s jokes, they climbed the first 20 floors without strain. Then Somu started narrating happy stories and they managed to climb another 20 stories with effort. Finally Komu started narrating several sad stories and with lots of stress and strain they managed to reach the 60th floor.

Just then Komu said, “Now I am going to tell you the saddest story of all. Friends, we have left behind our room key at the cab itself”.

(Amma’s New year day Satsang 2016)

 

6.   One level below!

[Amma: “The causes and effects of karma work in a cyclic way. Men of the past dominated women unduly. Now the cycle is reversed.”]

A dominating husband in a household used to keep telling his wife that she must always be one step below him. To check how far she had understood his instructions, he asked: “If I sit in a chair, where will you sit?”

The wife said, “I will sit in a stool, lower than the chair”.

He asked: “If I sit in the stool, where will you sit?”

She replied: “I will sit in the floor, below you”.

He asked again: “Suppose, I sit in the floor, what will you do?”

After some thinking, the wife said, “I will dig a hole in the ground and sit inside, below your level”.

The husband was still unrelenting. He asked: “Suppose, I sit in the hole, what will you do?”

The wife said instantly: “Ah! I am  just waiting for that moment! I will immediately fill the hole with the mud and then sit over you!”

(Amma US Tour Satsang June 2016)

7.  The costlier one!

[Amma: “In this world, many people live like the blind. They see things superficially without a deeper focus. They judge things very lightly with no capacity to see what is true. The present society seems to dwell in a half-sleep state”.]

Once a rich man wanted to present a very costly and highly valuable gift to his friend. He went to an antique shop and went around to see the various objects of the past kept displayed in glass shelves. He saw one skull there with a price tag of 25,000 dollars. He wondered why it was so costly. Next to it was another skull, much smaller in size, but carrying a price tag of 50,000 dollars. He could not contain his surprise.

The shop man explained: “Sir, the larger skull is that of the very first king that ruled this country thousands of years ago. it is such a rare and precious item that antique collectors can hardly come across! I hope you will agree with me that the price tag it carries is justified for its rarity and historic relevance.”

“But why is the smaller one costing double? What is so rare about it?”

“Ah! That too is the skull of the same king; but it looks small because it was his skull when he was a  boy.” said the shop man.

“Oh! Is that so? That’s fantastic! I will buy the small one!’ said the rich man.

8.  Hasty act!

[Amma: “Before engaging in any karma, one should use his discrimination too.”]

Once there was a very smart salesman who went out of the way with strange tactics to impress his customers and sell his vacuum cleaners.

He took his Wet and Dry vacuum cleaner for selling to a new locality. He located a house where the front door was open. He tiptoed to the house and peeped in to see whether anyone was in the reception room. Since no one was there, he rushed back, brought a packet of cow dung and quickly sprinkled them at the reception floor. He withdrew immediately and after a few minutes, he came back and rang the doorbell.

The lady in the house came out from the kitchen and the first thing she noticed was the reception floor dirtied by cow dung. She was shocked and surprised and then looked up the door to see the salesman standing outside.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“Good morning madam! I am coming from so-and-so firm selling wet and dry vacuum cleaner; may I come inside and arrange a demo for you?”

Even before she invited him inside, the salesman entered into the reception and feigned a surprise by looking at the floor! “Oh my God! What happened madam? Oh! Don’t worry; it looks I have come at the right time; I will straight away demonstrate how our machine cleans up this mess in no time”. He unpacked his machine and asked “Where is the plug point, madam?”

The woman, who was smart enough to understand that the mischief had been done by the salesman,  went inside and came back with a bucket of water and a mop; she extended them to the salesman and said, “I am afraid you have to clear up this mess with water and mop only. Please do it right now”.  The salesman said, “No madam! The electric machine is here; Show me the plug point please!”

The woman said coolly: “We don’t have electricity in the house”.

(Amma’s birthday satsang 2016)

9.  ‘Pet’ty problem!

[Amma: “Children, learn to understand respect others’ emotions. Listen to their problem with love and affection. A husband/ wife should accept the spouse wholeheartedly. Let there not be any secretiveness in relationship. All said and done, differences in opinions, misunderstandings and arguments will happen. Amma will tell you a funny story she heard…: “]

Once a wife was very desirous of owning a pet at home. But her husband never would agree to it. One day when the husband was away from home, the wife bought a little monkey and brought it home to raise it as her pet.

When the husband was back at home, he felt very angry to see the little monkey there. He shouted at his wife and asked “What food will you give for it?”. The wife said, “Whatever we eat”.

“Where will he sleep?” he demanded to know.

“In the same bed where we sleep” said the wife defiently.

“Oh! How about the bad smell?”

The wife said coolly: “Am I not tolerating  bad smell for the past twenty years? I think the monkey too will get used to it!”

(Source: Arul Mozhigal-8 Tamil)

10.  The cause of love

[Amma: “In the present day, it appears interpersonal relationships have lost meaning. It is rare to see true love between husband and wife. They seem to only nurture fear and distrust. They tend to analyze and weigh each other. True love becomes absent because of it. Only superficial relationship seems to exist between them due to lack of love and understanding. Amma remembers a funny story…”]

Once two friends met. One said, “You are lucky; you have a beautiful lover; what does she think of you?”

The friend said, “She thinks I am wonderful, good singer and a great painter”.

“What do you like in her?”

“I like her because she thinks I am wonderful, good singer and a great painter!”

(Source: Arul Mozhigal-8 Tamil)

 

11.  Accepting reality

One day, a father, noticing that his son had not got up from bed and was sleeping far beyond normal time, tried to wake up his son. The son was in no mood to get up; he tried to cover his face with the blanket and mumbled, “Papa, don’t trouble me; I don’t want to get up now…”

The father said, “Give me three reasons why you don’t want to get up”.

The son said, “One, I don’t want to go to school; two, school is boring; and three, children are making fun of me”.

The father then said, “Now I will give you three reasons why you should get up: One, you should go to the school — it is your duty; two, you are fifty years old and three, you are the principal of the school!”

(Tuesday Satsang 6/2/18)

12.  Women’s Expectations!

Once in a Supermarket, there was an exclusive section for women to ‘buy’ husbands of their choice! That section had 6 floors. There was a huge display board explaining the rules applicable to women who wanted to ‘shop’ for husbands there.

The rules were as follows:

1.  Each floor has prospective grooms with certain qualities and the higher floors  have grooms with higher qualifications.
2. A woman must  pick up a suitable mate at which ever floor she found a suitable mate and  exit from the store.
3. If she is not satisfied at one floor, she is free to go up to a higher floor and look for better alternatives, but she cannot come back to a lower floor again with a revised choice!

Lots of women found it very exciting! They climbed up to the first floor and saw the display board. It said, “You will get well employed husbands earning very well here”.  “Oh, that’s good. Any way, let us see what is available in the next floor” so thinking, the women climbed up to the 2nd floor.

The notice board in the second floor said, “You will get husbands earning well and also looking quite handsome here in this floor”. Many women found it quite impressive. Yet, they wanted to know what is better in the next floor.

The notice board in the third floor announced “Husbands having good jobs, looking handsome and also having love for children can be had here”.  “Oh! This is indeed fantastic. What more would a woman need? Anyway, I am curious to know what better grooms are available in the next floor”. They moved up.

The board in the fourth floor said, “Well earning husbands, very handsome, loving children and offering help to wives in domestic chores are available here”. “Oh! This is really heavenly! I should definitely settle for this. Yet let me see what could really be better in the next floor” so saying the women moved up.

The board in the 5th floor announced: “Well earning grooms, very handsome, loving children, helping women in domestic chores and also giving full freedom to wives are available here”.  The women were flabbergasted. They could not imagine whether there could be anything greater than this ever possible in earth. Yet. Why not find out? Why miss another choice?

The board in the 6th floor had a huge electronic display and it said, “Welcome to 6th floor; In this floor, we don’t have any grooms to offer and we congratulate you for being the 2,34,45,567th woman visitor, seeking the most suitable husband!”

13.  What a Genie can do!

Once  a man was casually walking along the seashore. He noticed a glass bottle getting washed to the shore by the waves and he picked it up. Upon curiosity, he opened the bottle. Surprisingly, a genie came out of the bottle and saluted him. “Thank you for releasing me! I am your slave now. I can carry out three wishes from you. Please order me what to do”.

The man was overjoyed hearing this. He said, “I want a great grand palace for me to live in”.

The genie nodded.  There was a banging sound “boom boom” and within no time, there stood a huge palace, on the ground , right in front of them. “I want huge wealth” he asked next. ‘Boom boom’. the palace was instantly filled with mounds of gold and silver! The man could not control his joy!

Now he thought deeply of the third and final wish he could make. He made up his mind and said, “I should become  lovable to all women on earth”. Boom boom! The genie made him into a chocolate!

(Monday beach satsang 16/1/2017)

14.  What even Genie can’t do!

Once  a man was casually walking along the seashore. He noticed a glass bottle getting washed to the shore by the waves and he picked it up. Upon curiosity, he opened the bottle. Surprisingly, a genie came out of the bottle and saluted him. “Thank you for releasing me! I am your servant now. Please order me what to do”.

The man was very surprised. He thought for a while and said, “For a long time, I have been nurturing a wish to visit Hawaii islands. But I am allergic to travel by air. I don’t want to sail by sea too, as the journey will be slow, long and tiring. I want you to construct a highway and sea bridge from here to travel to Hawaii comfortably by car”.

The Genie said, “Do you ever imagine the amount of construction work involved in this” Do you know how many tons of steel, cement etc are needed and the extent of cost in labor and construction?  This is too big an extravaganza just for satisfying the fancy of an individual like you. Can you ask me something else, please?”

The man thought for a while and said. “Well, in that case, you teach me the secret of knowing a woman’s heart. I really want to know what makes a woman happy, what are truly her wishes and intentions and how to understand their needs and satisfy them fully”.

The genie thought for a while and said, “Well. Do you want a 4-lane  or a 6-lane highway for Hawaii?”

15. The adamant horse

Once the owner of a very famous race horse offered it for sale in a marketplace. The horse was very well built, powerful and also was difficult to control and ride. The owner spoke very high of his horse and explained how many races it had successfully won. There were many people who eagerly came forward to buy it, but the owner was demanding a hefty price for it. At last, one horse lover bought it by bidding a large amount and brought it to his house with pride.

The horse was rather adamant in not allowing him to mount on it.  But after lots of cajoling, he managed to mount the horse. There was one secret with the horse that the new owner did not know of. The horse had been trained in such a way that when the rider utters “I” it will start running; it will stop only when it hears the word “God”.

After mounting the horse, the owner tried to make it run by many tactics but the horse refused to budge. In exasperation, the owner said, “Oh if only I know the secret of making you run…” The moment the horse heard the word “I”, it started running. The owner felt very happy. The horse was running extremely fast and the owner was really thrilled. After a while, he wanted to stop the horse. He tried all the known and popular methods of stopping the horse but nothing worked. The horse was running non-stop with abundant energy; soon it started climbing a small hill.

The rider was really worried. None of his efforts to stop the horse worked. Soon the horse was running towards a cliff in the hill. As the horse reached the cliff, the rider shouted out of fear, “Oh God, please save me!”. The moment the horse heard the word ‘God’ it stopped. Had the horse taken one more step, both would have fallen off the cliff and surely met death.

The rider was extremely relieved. In the meantime, several people who saw the horse running uncontrollably and the rider riding it with fear of death writ large on his face, were running behind them, with the intent of offering any possible help should the man fall from the horse.

Those chased behind him caught up with him and they reached the cliff. They felt very relieved to see the horse standing there still. “Good to see you alive” they said. The man wanted to impress the people who might be thinking that he was an inept and inexperienced rider, that he was indeed capable. He said, “See, how I have successfully brought this adamant horse to my control at the last minute!”.

The moment the horse heard the word “I”, it surged forward!

[Amma: Our sense of “I”, the ego, is the greatest cause of trouble.”]