Humorous stories from Amma – Part 5 (15 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

1. Angry Drunkard

Once a man got fully drunk and was returning home by walk at night. He was totally unsteady and he was simply swaying this way and that way with faltering steps. On his way, he tripped over a stone and fell into a pit. As he was trying to steady himself and wondering how to get out of the pit, suddenly there was a lighting in the sky; it lit up the place all around him for a second.

The drunkard shouted angrily, “Oh God! What are you doing to me? Are you laughing at me? You made me trip and fall into this pit and you are also taking a photograph of it! Don’t dare to play such jokes at me”

[Amma: “Most of us are like this drunkard. For all evils that befall on us on account of our faults, we tend to blame God!“]

(Amma Onam Satsang 10/9/19)

2. Super hit book, but…

Once there was a famous novelist, who had several novels published and were read and appreciated widely. He once thought of writing a non-fiction. He said to his friends, “I am planning to write a book titled Changing your life in 30 days“. His friends said, “Don’t venture into writing such books. You are already a famous novelist and you are making a decent income through your novels. People will not be interested in reading such a non-fiction from you. You will only be wasting your time”.

But the novelist did not heed to their advice. He spent time in writing and finishing the book. Soon a publisher came forward to publish the book and the contract was signed. The books got printed and widely distributed. After two 2 weeks, the writer got a call from his publisher who said, “Congrats! Your book proved  to be a superhit and within these 15 days 2 million copies have been sold; but there is a serious issue now…”

“What is it?”

“We are sorry that we overlooked a typo error in the book title. Instead of ‘Changing your life in 30 days’, we had printed the title as ‘Changing your wife in 30 days‘. Don’t worry, we are correcting it and releasing the fresh prints in the market.”

Subsequently after a couple of weeks, the publishers informed him that not a single copy of the book got sold after the title error was corrected!

(Amma Onam Satsang 10/9/19)

3. The outsider in the marriage party!

Once a lion was getting married and the the celebrations were in full swing. One group of lions were playing music and another group of young lions were dancing. Amidst them, suddenly a mouse joined and started dancing along with the lions!

One lion noticing this intruder questioned: “Hey! Mouse! How dare you come and dance along with the lions?”

The mouse replied: “why not? This is the marriage of my younger brother. Why shouldn’t I dance?”

“We are mighty lions and you are a mean mouse. How can a lion be your younger brother?” asked the lion.

The mouse replied: “I too was a lion once; I became a mouse after I got married”.

4. The best talk!

[Amma: “Some men behave with an idea that women are lower than them.  Such an attitude will only bring hardship to men.“]

Once a group of travellers were to cross a ferocious river running full with flood water.  There was only a weak and precarious wooden bridge to cross the river and the travellers walked through it. Unfortunately the bride could not bear the weight of the group. It gave away and many of them fell into the river. However, four persons including one female member of the group caught hold of a rope in the bridge at the last moment; they hung precariously from the broken bridge and they did not fall into the water.

But the rope too was old and weak.  it gradually and slowly started getting torn, as it could not bear the weight of four people. If only one of them could jump into the water, at least the rest can hang on and also manage to climb up. They started discussing this matter amid themselves. All of them felt that it was indeed essential that one among them should come forward to jump into water. Since there were three men, they felt unanimously that it would be better to sacrifice the woman so that they can escape. With that intent, they eagerly looked at the woman expecting her to do the plunge.

The woman felt that she could not escape this predicament. However, before jumping, she opted to deliver a lecture to the selfish men about the greatness of sacrifice. She started talking in a highly spirited voice about the importance of doing a selfless act in life, how a person sacrificing for the sake of others gets glory, gets a space in heaven and so on. Her discourse was highly impressive; the men who heard it with rapt attention could not control themselves to express their appreciation to the lady as she finished her talk. The clapped their hands together to demonstrate their appreciation.

No need to tell what happened next!

(Source: Amritam Gamaya -Malayalam  Vol 1)

5. Change of Role

Once a man prayed to Go: “My lord! My wife never understands the difficulties I am undergoing in my life. Acroos the whole day, I toil and suffer with my workload in my office; but she is staying at home and enjoying her life. Dear God, I have a wish. Please change our roles; let me become a housewife and let her become a male and attend the office.”

God accepted his prayers and assured him that he would do the same.

The next day, as he woke up he had become the female and his wife, a male.  For the erstwhile woman, now ‘new husband’ it was now enough if he wakes up at eight, take bath leisurely and get ready to go to office. But for the old husband, now the wife, it became inevitable to rise up early from bed.

She started preparing breakfast. She woke up the children and bathed them and forced them to eat breakfast. She had to sweep the house clean. Now it was time to make things ready to send her husband to office. She took out the dress for her husband to wear from the wardrobe, served him breakfast and sent him off. She took her children to school and dropped them there. on her way back, she went to the market and bought fresh vegetables. Immediately she had to wash the old clothes.

Once it was over, it was time to start cooking lunch. Suddenly it started raining. She had to rush out to gather the dresses hung outside in the open, bring them in and spread them for drying in the clothe lines inside the house. It was now evening and the children returned from school. She gave them snacks and milk and sat with them to do their homework. By that time, the husband returned from office; she had to serve him biscuits and tea.

She lit the evening lamps and spent time in chanting God’s names and doing prayers.  It was time to serve dinner followed by cleaning the utensils. Before going to bed, she had to arrange things for the next day’s routine.

Days went by this way. Thus the wife (the erstwhile husband) became very tired, weak and disillusioned on account of the never ending daily chores of a typical housewife. She prayed to God, “Oh dear lord; I have lost all my energy playing my new role as wife. Enough is enough. Please convert me back to my old husband role, please!”

God smiled and said, “Yes,  I will do it, but you have to wait at least for 10 months.”

“Why, why?” asked the woman.

“Because you are pregnant now” said the Lord and disappeared!

[Amma: “Most us are like the husband in this story. We always tend to compare ourselves with those better off than us and feel we are not as happy as they are.  But we should rather compare us with those who are leading a more difficult life than us and feel happy that we are so much better off than these people. Every person in this world is unique. Each person has a specific role to play which is not  same as the other. We must understand this and play our role to the best of our ability with self confidence. Only then we will get satisfaction out of our life.“]

(Source: Amritam Gamaya -Malayalam  Vol 1)

6. Hunger and spiritual philosophy

Once two sanyasis who are well versed in scriptures were travelling together on a pilgrimage by walk. Each of them carried food packet with them, which they would consume after taking bath in the morning. After walking for long, they finally ended at the bank of a river. It was already past noon and they were feeling extremely hungry and tired.
One sanyasi said, “Let me go first to take bath and return; you take care of our food packets lest some animals may come and snatch them away”.

He stepped in to the river for taking bath. The other sanyasi who was sitting at the river bank under the shade of a tree, felt too hungry to wait for bathing. He opened his food packet and started eating in a hurry. Unfortunately, his hunger could not be appeased by it; he thought for a while; then he took out the food packet of the other sanyasi and ate it too!

As the first Sanyasi came back after taking bath, he said, “you can go for bathing; Come back quickly so that we can eat. I am extremely hungry.”

When the second sanyasi came back after bathing, the first one asked angrily, “I was looking for our food packets and they are missing! What have you done?”

“Oh! I was feeling extremely hungry. I ate both of them”.

The former flared up: “How on earth can you eat my share? ”

The second sanyasi said, “Cool down brother! Why do you get excited so much? I am the atman residing in every being. Have you not read the scriptures properly. What does Lord Krishna say in Bhagavad Gita 15.14 — “Aham vaishvanaro bhutva, praninam dehamashritah…….” What does it mean? ‘I, becoming the subtle fire called Vaishvanara, in association with prana and apana vayus, digest all the four types of food’. That is precisely what happened. Don’t get agitated!”

The first sanyasi looked around him. He found a long piece of stick nearby. He took it in his hands and started beating the other. The second sanyasi cried in pain, “Hey, stop stop! Why are you hitting and hurting me like this?”

The first sanyasi said immediately, ” Cool down brother! Why are you shouting like this? Has not lord Krishna said in Bhagavad Gita 2.23 — “nainam chindanthi sasthrani, nainam dahati pavakah.…….” What does it mean? ‘No weapon can hurt the Atman, no fire can burn it, no water can wet it and no air can dry it’. You are that Atman! Don’t get agitated!”

[Amma: “Pundits can quote verbatim many things from scriptures with vanity, but it is not a measure of any spiritual attainment”.]

7. Changing the Capital

Once a man overheard a boy making prayers at the temple. The boy prayed, “Dear God, Please make China as the capital of America”. The man was bemused to hear such a prayer. He asked the boy, ” Why are you making such a prayer?”

The boy said, “Yesterday, while answering my exam paper I had written “China” as the capital of America. Subsequently I came to know that my answer was wrong. So, I am praying to God to make my answer right!”

[Amma: “What we need is a childlike heart and not childishness. Any prayer to God like this is childish”.]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki- Tamil – Part 2)

8. Expert speaker

Once a boy said to his friend, “My teacher is really a great intellect”.

“How?” asked the other boy.

“He is capable of talking for hours on any subject you give. Even if you give him a trivial subject, he can talk for 5 hours!”.

The other boy said, “If you say so, I would say, our neighbor is far greater speaker than your teacher. Even without any subject given, he can talk endlessly for days!”

[Amma: “Nowadays many orators who speak at gatherings are like that. In reality, there is no greatness in public speaking. It is not wrong in public speaking, but what is more important is to put words into practice. Nowadays, most of the talks are meant to give advice to others but never to follow in life.”]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Part 2)

9.  Ideal couple (?!)

Once there was a village where all the people lived harmoniously and  peacefully. The reason for this was attributed to a couple in the village, whose life of living without any conflicts or fights was an inspiration for the entire village. If there is some skirmish within any family, elders would say, “Look at that lady! How calmly and peacefully she is living with her husband? Have you ever heard of any bickering, angry exchange of words or fighting between the couples? See how affectionately do they life together. You must learn to be as patient as that lady”.

Hearing it, peace would return to the family. This way, the entire village remained peaceful.

The 30th marriage day of the couple happened to come. In order to celebrate it, the entire village gathered. Having heard about the reputation of the couple, people from Media too came to conduct an interview with the lady of the house. The interviewer asked, “We have heard that your husband was an extremely short tempered and would flare up even for little things before marriage; we also came to know that after marriage there was not even a trace of fight between you and your husband; May we know the secret behind it?”

The lady said, “There is no great secret about it.  Immediately after our marriage, we went on a sightseeing trek.  We took a donkey with us to carry our baggages and foodstuff. On our way, the donkey tripped and fell down. My husband did not like it. He ran to the donkey, twisted one of its ears and said, “You must be careful; this is my first warning to you”…

“We put the luggage back on the horse back and continued with our journey. After a couple of hours, the donkey tripped over a stone and fell down again. My husband got extremely angry. He caught hold of both of its ears, twisted them and said, “I had already told you that you must be careful. This is my second warning to you”….

“On our trekking we were  to climb and cross three hills; till we crossed two hills, there was no further problem from the donkey. As we were half way up the third hill, the donkey was extremely tired and exhausted.  It fell down again. This time my husband took out a pistol from his pocket and shot the donkey. The donkey died instantly…

“I could not digest what he did. I said, “Oh! what a sin you have committed! After all it is a hapless poor animal and how can you be so cruel to kill it like this?”…

“Hearing this, my husband came running towards me and caught hold of my ear. He twisted it and said, “You must be careful; this is my first warning to you. Understand?”

“I understood. Whenever something unpleasant happens between me and my husband, I could not help but think of the fate of the donkey. So, I invariably shut my mouth and maintain peace. This is the secret of my successful family life!”

[Amma: “Even though this is story is meant for humor and the virtue of patience that the lady developed was purely based on fear, there is indeed a value for it. If a crystal of diamond falls on excreta, we would still pick it up on account of its value”.]

10.  Pride

Once a Major in Army got promoted as Colonel. On the day of his taking charge, a person came to see him at his office.When he saw the person entering into his room, he swiftly took his telephone and started speaking “Hello, President Clinton? Any important news? Yeah, I took charge as colonel only today and there is lot of work to do and files to be studied. Please convey my inquiries to your wife; I will speak to you later as I am hard pressed for time…” He hung up,  looked at the visitor with pride and asked gravely, “Yes, what do you want?”

The visitor who was all along standing there with humility said, “Excuse me sir; I have come from the telephone department. This phone-set was provided afresh here yesterday; I have now come to give connection to it!”

[Amma: “Now who became a fool in this story? Perhaps on account of our false pride, we may look like fools on many occasions and we may not be aware of it; that’s all. If someone tries to project himself  as great in front of many people, he may become a fool in front of many”.]

11.  Test of boldness

Once a huge fire broke out at a place and several fire trucks rushed towards the location. The fire was raging so badly that the fire trucks were afraid to go near it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, one fire truck rushed straight into the fire. This gave courage to other firemen and they followed behind. Soon they put out the fire.

The firemen were so proud of the bravery of that fireman who drove the leading vehicle right into the spot that they wanted to give him an award. They held a banquet in hi honour and expressed their appreciation. They asked him if he wanted anything.

He said, “Yes, I’d like to have the brakes fixed on my fire truck!”

(Matruvani – English – Jan 2020)

 

12.  What to do? It is Kali yuga!

[Amma: “In the Bhagavata Purana written thousands of years ago, it has been clearly stated how life in the Kali Yuga (the time period in which we currently live) will be topsy turvy in so many aspects. Many of these things are indeed happening right in front of  our eyes. It is written in Bhagavata that Forests will turn into households; houses will turn into shops; temples will turn to be places of entertainment; In Kali yuga, the father will eat the son and the son will eat the father (meaning that parents and their offspring will always be at loggerheads with each other). It is also written that women will look like men and men will look like women! It is also there to see nowadays; isn’t it?  Here is a story…”]

 

Once a middle aged man was travelling in a train. He was travelling to meet some of his acquaintances with the intention of finding a right partner for marriage to his daughter.

In the train, there was a woman and her son sitting at the opposite seat. The man entered into casual conversation with them. As they talked the man came to know of the educational qualification of the son, employment details and family background. The man liked the looks of the son and he felt he could be a right match for his daughter.

He broached the subject to the woman saying, “I have a daughter to be married off. It looks your son will be a right match for her; will you be interested in taking some steps on this matter?”

Hearing this, the woman flared up. “What do you mean? This is my daughter and not my son!”

The man was shocked. He said hastily, “Oh, I am extremely sorry madam; excuse me for my fault”.

He got an another angry retort from the other person now: “What do you mean by ‘madam’? I am a man!”

13.  Ideal husband?

Once a group of modern girls were discussing about marriage and their ideas about an ideal husband.

Once of the girls said, “According to me, Lord Shiva is the ideal husband”.

The other girls were very surprised to hear it. They asked how.

The girl said, “Lord Shiva has moon at his head. So there is no problem for light and no electric bill to pay for lighting.  He has Ganga river on his head. In the present days of water shortage, I will not have any problem for water; he wears only a tiger skin always. So, I don’t have the burden of washing his clothes. He takes his food by begging. Hence, I have no responsibility of cooking for him! So, I consider Lord Shiva as the perfect husband!”

(From Amma’s Sivarathri Satsang 21/2/2020)

14.  Happy old man?

Once a passerby noticed an old man sitting on a swing at the front yard of a house and joyfully swaying in the swing. He was so surprised to see the old man’s healthy looks that he wanted to know the secret. He went close to the old man and asked, “Sir, what is the secret of your good health?”

The old man said, “Oh! I smoke 6 packets of cigarettes a day;  I consume one barrel of whisky every week; I eat meat all the three times a day. And I never do any exercise!”

“I just cannot believe it! May I know how old are you?”

“Twenty six” said the “old”man.

[Amma: “Indulgence in narcotics and alcohol may help to forget the world and derive some temporary joys; People don’t understand that  on account of such habits, they are losing their vigor and vitality and causing damage to their health. Their health would deteriorate rapidly, they get geriatric faster and die early in life.  People who are to support the family and the country destroy themselves through these evil habits and cause suffering and agony to their dependents too”.]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)

15.  What if ?

Two wildlife photographers were walking through a forest.

All of a sudden, a huge lion jumped onto their path. The two photographers shook with fear.

One of them whispered to the other through the corner of his mouth, “Don’t move! Don’t even breathe! Stand as still as a statue. Remember what we read in that book? If we stand still and look the lion in the eye, it will leave us alone.”

The second man replied, “Yes, you’re right, buddy, we read it in the book. But has the lion read that book? The book is different from this reality. So let us try to run and escape!”

[Amma:Similarly, what we read in a book is different from real life. It is when we face real life situations that we learn.”]

(From Amma’s Covid-19 Talk on 10/52020)

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