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Humorous stories from Amma – Part 6 (15 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

1.  In times of Corona!

Once a man, who was confined to his house on account of Corona Virus lockdown for weeks together got terribly bored and frustrated. He was longing to go out and roam in the streets freely.

He heard the voice of a vegetable seller outside his house. The man rushed out. There a vegetable seller was on the street and was pushing his cart-load of vegetables to sell door to door. The man went near him and asked: “Do you have the licence to sell like this?”

“Yes; of course. I have got the permission letter from the municipal corporation” said the vendor.

The man spoke to him nicely: “Good. Now I will make an offer to you. I invite you into my house and you can relax under the fan and watch TV. I will ask my wife  to serve you food and refreshments.  Instead of roaming in the hot sun like this, you can take rest. I will take the cart on your behalf and sell your vegetables for the next two hours. I will hand over all the collections to you without any commission for me.  Will you please agree?”

The vendor said: “No. Sorry. I will not. I cannot”.

The man said, “Why, why? I am only trying to help you in good will. If you want I can even pay extra to you from my pocket over and above the sales proceeds”.

The vendor said: “You see, I live in the next street. I am not the vegetable seller. The original vegetable seller is relaxing in my house. I have taken this cart from him for hire for a couple of hours!”

(From Amma’s Covid-19 message-2 dt 30/5/2020)

2.  An useful tip to handle Corona!

Once a town under the care of a municipal Corporation was heavily infested with rats. People were suffering a lot and whatever they did in their homes to eradicate the rats did not work out. Pressure was mounting on the Municipality to tackle the issue on war footing to eliminate the rat menace.

The municipal administration formed a committee named “Task force for elimination of rats”. The committee members met frequently and initiated several measures to eradicate the rats. As time passed none of their techniques worked and the rate menace continued.

The municipality then renamed the comittee;” Taske force for containment of rat menace”. They continued to take steps but the rat problem continued to increase unabated.

Finally, the committee was renamed: “Task force for peaceful co-existence with rats” !

(From Amma’s Covid-19 message-2 dt 30/5/2020)

3.  The smart smuggler

Once a man was crossing the border of one state to enter into the next state in his motorbike, carrying a sack full of sand at the rear . He was held up at check post for a thorough check.

The officer at the check post interrogated him.

“What does this sack contain?”

“Just sand Sir, nothing else” said the man.

“Oh, come on; no drug, no gold inside?”

“Nothing of that sort, Sir. If you want, you can check it.”

The officer was not convinced. He opened the sack checked it thoroughly.  He could not find anything suspicious.  He allowed the man to drive through the check post.

This started happening regularly every week. The officer will check his sand bag as well as his motorbike thoroughly each time but nothing could be found.

After a couple of months the man was never seen crossing the checkpost.

The officer got retired. One day, he was eating in a restaurant.  He happened to notice the man there. The officer went near him and said, “I know you were doing something fishy; I still suspect that you were smuggling something that I could not figure out. In fact I had spent several sleepless nights to figure out what you were smuggling in those sand bags. I am retired now and you can afford to tell me the truth now. I won’t reveal to anybody.”

The man smiled and said, “I never smuggled anything through the sand bag. I was smuggling stolen motorbikes”.

[Amma: “In this story, the officer put his entire focus on the sandbag and he missed out the motorbike. Likewise, we are always looking at the external world and fail to ‘study’ our own Self or know our Self.”]

(From Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)

4.  Wrong way to learn

Once a man was very keen to learn yoga. But he was too lazy to  look for a Yoga Guru and he was also not willing to spend money for learning. He came to know that someone was teaching yoga in a local FM radio broadcast.

He tuned his radio to the radio station. A teacher was giving detailed stage by stage instruction for a particular yoga. The man decided to try it right away.

The voice said. ” Sit comfortably on a mat on floor in cross legged posture”. The man already knew how to sit so and he did.

“Now bend down, carefully lift your left leg and place your ankle behind your neck” said the voice.

It was rather difficult to do it, but the man was enthusiastic enough to try and succeed in placing his leg as instructed.

“Now carefully lift your right leg and place right ankle too behind your neck” said the voice.

The man found it even more difficult to do it. His neck and left leg were already aching. But he did not want to call it quits so quickly. With lots of effort he managed to place his right leg too as instructed. Every part of his body was aching now. He found it difficult to breath. He was desperate to unlock his legs but he could not do it easily. He was frantically waiting for the next instruction.

“The next step for this yoga will continue same time, tomorrow. Please stay tuned to Fitness for Health FM Channel at 84.7 FM. Have a good day!” said the voice the the program ended!

[Amma: “Yoga should always be learned in person from a qualified yoga teacher.”]

(From Amma’s talk on International Yoga Day 21/6/2020)

5.  Poor memory!

[Amma: “It is not just enough if we develop skills. We should also have the capacity to keep our mind in peace under all circumstances. If not, even the existing skills will not be useful at crucial junctures.”]

Once a young man who was a graduate, went to attend a job interview. Since it was his first job interview, he was extremely under tension.

The interviewer started the conversation with  simple question: “What is your name?”

Because of his tension, the youngman was dumbstruck for some time. Then he started biting his nails. The interviewer noticed that he was singing a song in an inaudible voice to himself.

He asked: “Why aren’t you saying anything? I asked just your name!”

The youngman said, “Just a moment sir. I am singing ‘Happy birth day to you…” song inside. I know my name will come at the end of the song and I can tell you then” .

 

(From Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)

6.  Right words, wrong time!

Once a husband and wife used to fight with each other almost on a daily basis. The fight normally would start at night when the husband took his dinner. The husband never liked any of the dishes cooked by the wife and he was always vocally critical about it. The wife would get very upset with his remarks and that would trigger the fight between them.

One day, the husband was talking with his neighbor. The neighbor gave a friendly counselling: “You see, I am hearing you and your wife fighting daily. This is too bad. Rest of your life would become totally miserable if you go on and on like this. Don’t keep on criticizing your wife’s cooking. Just for  change, you throw some appreciation on her cooking one day. That will make her happy and perhaps she would start cooking with much more care in order to get more appreciation from you. This way, you will regain mental peace”.

The idea appealed to him. That night, when he sat for his dinner, he remembered the friend’s advice. As he tasted one item after other, he kept on saying “Oh! This dish tastes very nice; this one is so good; this is wonderful…” and so on.

But instead of brightening up, his wife’s  face turned red in anger.

But the husband did not notice her facial expressions. As he was about to finish, he asked “Can you serve some more of these stuff; I really enjoy eating them today”.

That was the last straw. The wife blew up in anger. She started throwing all the vessels here and there. The husband was totally taken aback by her reaction.  He asked, “What is wrong with you? All along I have been criticizing your cooking, but today appreciated every food stuff that you served; I ate them all and even asked for more. Still why are so so angry? Why are you breaking the vessels?”

The wife said, “You have proved once again that you don’t like my cooking.  I was not feeling well today and I did not cook the food. Since you would come hungry from the office, I ordered food from the restaurant and kept them ready for you. You enjoyed every item bought from Hotel. It proves you don’t like my cooking at all”.

[Amma: “Children, our efforts have limits. It is divine grace that is essential to make the effort fruitful.”]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)

7.  Hence proved!

[Amma: “Many people ask ‘Is there really a God or no?’. As long as one’s analysis is within the precepts of creation, one can never understand the secret behind creation. Only when we transcend beyond creation, we can understand the secret of the creation. For that a basic requisite is a faith in a Creator (God)  who is beyond creation.”]

Once a teacher was teaching the theory of evolution to his students.

He called a student named David and asked: “David do you see the tree outside the class room through the window?”

“Yes, I see it” said David.

“Now, go out and look up. Let me know whether you see the sky”.

David went out, came back and said, “Yes, I saw the sky”.

“Did you see God there?”

“No”.

The teacher said beaming: “That is my concept. There is no God. How can you believe something that you can’t see?”

Hearing this, a girl stood up and said, “Teacher, may I ask a few more questions to David?”

The teacher agreed.

“David, do you see the trees outside?”

“Yes, I see them”

“Do you see the grass?”

“Yes. I see”.

“Do you see the sky?”

“Yes. I see”

“Do you see our teacher?”

“Yes, I see”

“Do you see his brain?”

“No,  I don’t see his brain”.

“Then, as per the concept taught by our teacher today, he does not have brain!”

[Amma: “Students of science first believe what the text books contain and what the teacher teaches. Then they can do experiments in lab and get first hand experience of what was taught to them. Likewise, we should first believe what our Rishis have told about god  based on their personal experience. Then we too should undertake sadhana based on the teachings received from Guru. Then we too can experience God. “]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)

8.  Same place!

Once four villagers engaged a motor boat to go deep into a forest through the river to cut a few trees and bring them back to their place for sale.

After travelling into the forest, they got down at an appropriate place. While the boatman waited at the bank of the river, the villagers went into the forest to cut well grown trees of their choice. After clearing the leaves and branches, they carried huge logs of  four tree trunks one by one and brought it to the place where the boat was kept.

The boatman saw the logs and said, “These are too huge and heavy. I can at the best take three logs in the boat, along with you four people”.

But the villagers argued with him: “No, no! It won’t be a problem at all. Last year too we came to cut the trees and we transported four logs in a similar boat like this”.

“Are you sure? Were those logs of wood so big as these?” asked the boatman.

“Yeah, we are quite sure; don’t worry!”

The boatman reluctantly allowed them to load the four logs into the boat. He started the boat. They would have hardly moved by a kilometer or so, but the boat was unable to pull the load; it started to gradually sink in water and soon the boat capsized along with all the load.

With lot of difficulty, the four villagers along with the boatman managed to swim across the river and reach the bank nearby.

After resting for a while, one of the villagers asked “Do we know where we are now?”

One of them climbed over a huge rock nearby, looked around and exclaimed: “Hey! This place is quite familiar to me! We are hardly away by about hundred meters from the place where our boat capsized last year!”

[Amma: “Experiences are of no use if we do not learn our lessons from them”.]

(From Amma’s Guru Purnima message 5/7/2020)

9.  The lost key!

Once a man brought his young boy to the doctor and said, “Doctor, my son has swallowed my suitcase key! Please help”.

The doctor asked, “When did it happen?”

The man said, “He swallowed it some 10 days ago, doctor”.

“Wh…what? 10 days ago? Why are you bringing him only now?” asked the doctor in a shocked tone.

“We had a spare key with us and hence managing with it all these days, doctor. But today we lost the spare key too and could not locate it despite searching it everywhere. We are badly in need of opening the suitcase, doctor. Please, help us!”

(From Amma’s Guru Purnima message 5/7/2020)

10 .  Mala?!

Once a guru advised one of his new disciples to go to the top of the adjacent hill and spend a few days in seclusion totally dedicating himself to doing japa.  He added, “Make sure to take ‘mala’ with you”.  His intention was that the disciple should use his japa mala (rosary) to do his japa.

After a couple of days, the guru went up the hill to meet his disciple in order to check how well he had progressed in his austerities in seclusion.

The disciple saw his guru coming. He ran to him and fell at his feet. “Welcome my master!” he said.

“How are you? Are you doing fine? Did you face any difficulty?”

The disciple said, “No master; I am perfectly comfortable here thanks to Mala and the cups of tea I get”.

“Tea? Where from do you get your tea?”

“Mala is preparing it for me, Master” saying so, he called out loud. “Mala! Master too is here. Please bring two cups of tea!”

His girlfriend named Mala came out of the hut nearby with two cups of hot tea in her hands!

[Amma: “Some times, some disciples interpret their guru’s teachings to their own convenience”.]

(From Amma’s Guru Purnima message 5/7/2020)

11.   The problem with the intellect

Once 3 persons who entered in to the territory of a terrorist king’s land were caught by securities. They were suspected to be spies. The king ordered them to be killed, by crushing them under a huge falling log. The 3 intruders pleaded for mercy, saying that they were innocent and had no spying role. The king said, “Okay. Put one by one at  the killing spot and let the wooden log fall. If by chance the log does not fall and fail to crush a person, let him be released.”

All the three men were taken to the punishment arena. One of them was first made to lie down on the floor. A massive wooden  log was hanging right above him at a about 15 feet height, held by hooks. Once the bell rang, the operatives were to release the hooks and the log should fall down. The man was trembling with fear and he was praying feverishly for God’s help so that the log did not get released. What a surprise! Due to a mechanical fault, the hook did not release and the log never fell down. He was allowed to get up and go! The man ran from the spot with uncontrollable joy.

Now the second person was made to lie down. Again the hooks failed to release the log and he was also saved.

Finally the third person came and lied down. He happened to be an Engineer. Upon noticing that the hooks were not releasing, he immediately understood what the technical hitch was. He called the operatives and gave them instructions on  how to resolve it so that the hooks could release the log. The operatives did the correction and the log promptly  fell on the Engineer and crushed him to death!

12.   No problem!

[Amma: “When we face difficulties in life, we have the capacity to stand apart  and watch it without getting deeply agitated, but most of us are not able to practice it under all circumstances.  It is always easy for us to watch and analyse other’s problems dispassionately. But when it comes to our own problems, we invariably fail to step aside and look into them with an eye of a witness”.]

Once a businessman was in an important meeting. To avoid any disturbances, he left his personal mobile with his driver outside the office.

After a while the businessman’s mobile rang and the driver took the call. It was the voice of the businessman’s wife and she said, “Right now I am doing shopping and I am calling from the jewelry shop. I found an extremely beautiful necklace here; I have never seen such an attractive necklace anywhere else in my life. But it is too costly. However, I just didn’t feel like getting out of this jewelry shop without buying it. THe money I had brought for shopping was not adequate. So, I used the Credit Card that you had given to me and paid the bill….”

“Oh, That’s good” said the driver.

“There is something more. As I was returning home, I just dropped into the Showroom of Mercedes Benz Cars. One of their latest model cars was very appealing to me. Since I had no money, I had to sell of a portion of our company shares online and got the money. I have bought the car too…” said she.

“That’s fine” said the driver.

“Oh! My love! You had never been so loving and caring like to day. I feel really blessed that I have got such a considerate husband in my life!!” so saying she cut the phone, even before the driver could attempt to intervene and  reveal to her that he was only the driver and not her husband!

After the meeting was over, the businessman came out . He asked the driver, “Was there any call on my mobile?” .  The driver narrated the whole matter. By the time he finished it, his boss fell on to the ground losing consciousness!

Whether the credit card was burdened with huge amount or whether the company’s shares were sold off,  it was of no matter of concern for the driver. But as for the businessman, it was a calamity.

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)

13.   Smart Broker!

Once a young man who wanted to get married sought help from a marriage broker. One day, the broker told the man about a suitable girl for him and asked him to come along with him to the house of the prospective bride to see her in person.

After seeing the girl both of them were returning. The broker asked.”Now tell me, Do you like the girl?”

The man said, “Are you mad? How do you think I will agree to marry her? Didn’t you notice that her eyesight was so bad?”

“Oh! That’s really a good thing in her. After marriage, suppose you come home late in the night, she won’t notice”.

“Not only that. She stutters while talking”.

“That too is for good. Because of this weakness, she would talk far less, unlike all other women. It is a blessing for you”.

“I also noticed that she is hard of hearing”.

“Oh!Why don’t you understand that it is indeed very advantageous to marry such a girl. She will not hear any rumours about you!”

The young man lost his patience. He shouted, “Over and above all these, she has a hunch back too!”

The broker said: “Brother, I feel pity on you. As I explained, she has so many good things in her that makes her fit to be the best wife for you; yet if you want to reject her just for a small fault like a hunchback, where on earth will you get  better wife than her?”

[Amma: “Our mind is just like this broker. The mind will always try to convince our body and intellect to yield to its desires. We can never underestimate the power of our mind. But it is indeed possible for us to bring this powerful mind under our control.  Discrimination and practice are essential to get control over the mind”.]

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)

14.   There is a purpose!

Once a man went for haircut to his regular barber shop. When he sat on the chair for cutting his hair, the barber said, “I happened to meet your mother in law yesterday.  She was mentioning that you are possessing lots of black money”. The man got very angry when he heard this.  “Did she say so? She is a wretched woman. She borrows money left and right from so many people but never repay them.  It has become my burden to pay them from my pocket and yet she is talking ill of me? Lier!” his anger did not subside even after uttering these words. He kept on talking ill of her. The barber was deeply engrossed in cutting his hair during this time.

When the man came to the barber shop next time and sat in the chair ready for cutting, the barber said, “Yesterday your mother in law said to me that you are not giving a single paisa to the family”. The man got worked up again and said, “What right that Thataka has to utter such nasty lies about me? Actually it is me who takes care of all her expenses; I am the one giving money for her food and clothing…” he continued to say nasty things about his mother in law further. The barber kept him busy in cutting his hair.

When the man visited the barber the next time, the barber just started to make some comments about his mother in law once again. This time,  the man stopped him and asked, “Why are you always talking about my mother in law. I don’t want to hear any more word about her”.

The barber replied, “You see, whenever I broach the subject of your mother in law, you get very angry and all your hairs stand straight; it makes cutting your hair easier for me. That’s why I talk to you about your mother in law!”

[Amma: “Our mind is just like a play toy in the hands of others. Others know what makes us angry and agitated. When somebody appreciates us, we feel elated; when somebody criticizes us, we get worked up. This way, our life is tied to the lips of others. When we get angry, jump up and create hell around us, it becomes an entertainment for the others”.  ]

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)

15.   Trustworthy Husband?

[Amma: “To have amity in family life, an important factor is the capacity to listen to each other.  Nowadays, nobody seems to have the patience or time to actively listen to others’ talking.”]

Once a woman was telling her friend: “Whatever secrets I tell to my husband will not get shared by him with anyone else. I am very sure about it”.

“Oh! You have got such a trustworthy husband! You must be proud of it!” Said the friend.

The woman said, “No. It is not like that. Whatever I tell my husband, he never listens to them keenly”.

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)

 

Humorous stories from Amma – Part 5 (15 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

1. Angry Drunkard

Once a man got fully drunk and was returning home by walk at night. He was totally unsteady and he was simply swaying this way and that way with faltering steps. On his way, he tripped over a stone and fell into a pit. As he was trying to steady himself and wondering how to get out of the pit, suddenly there was a lighting in the sky; it lit up the place all around him for a second.

The drunkard shouted angrily, “Oh God! What are you doing to me? Are you laughing at me? You made me trip and fall into this pit and you are also taking a photograph of it! Don’t dare to play such jokes at me”

[Amma: “Most of us are like this drunkard. For all evils that befall on us on account of our faults, we tend to blame God!“]

(Amma Onam Satsang 10/9/19)

2. Super hit book, but…

Once there was a famous novelist, who had several novels published and were read and appreciated widely. He once thought of writing a non-fiction. He said to his friends, “I am planning to write a book titled Changing your life in 30 days“. His friends said, “Don’t venture into writing such books. You are already a famous novelist and you are making a decent income through your novels. People will not be interested in reading such a non-fiction from you. You will only be wasting your time”.

But the novelist did not heed to their advice. He spent time in writing and finishing the book. Soon a publisher came forward to publish the book and the contract was signed. The books got printed and widely distributed. After two 2 weeks, the writer got a call from his publisher who said, “Congrats! Your book proved  to be a superhit and within these 15 days 2 million copies have been sold; but there is a serious issue now…”

“What is it?”

“We are sorry that we overlooked a typo error in the book title. Instead of ‘Changing your life in 30 days’, we had printed the title as ‘Changing your wife in 30 days‘. Don’t worry, we are correcting it and releasing the fresh prints in the market.”

Subsequently after a couple of weeks, the publishers informed him that not a single copy of the book got sold after the title error was corrected!

(Amma Onam Satsang 10/9/19)

3. The outsider in the marriage party!

Once a lion was getting married and the the celebrations were in full swing. One group of lions were playing music and another group of young lions were dancing. Amidst them, suddenly a mouse joined and started dancing along with the lions!

One lion noticing this intruder questioned: “Hey! Mouse! How dare you come and dance along with the lions?”

The mouse replied: “why not? This is the marriage of my younger brother. Why shouldn’t I dance?”

“We are mighty lions and you are a mean mouse. How can a lion be your younger brother?” asked the lion.

The mouse replied: “I too was a lion once; I became a mouse after I got married”.

4. The best talk!

[Amma: “Some men behave with an idea that women are lower than them.  Such an attitude will only bring hardship to men.“]

Once a group of travellers were to cross a ferocious river running full with flood water.  There was only a weak and precarious wooden bridge to cross the river and the travellers walked through it. Unfortunately the bride could not bear the weight of the group. It gave away and many of them fell into the river. However, four persons including one female member of the group caught hold of a rope in the bridge at the last moment; they hung precariously from the broken bridge and they did not fall into the water.

But the rope too was old and weak.  it gradually and slowly started getting torn, as it could not bear the weight of four people. If only one of them could jump into the water, at least the rest can hang on and also manage to climb up. They started discussing this matter amid themselves. All of them felt that it was indeed essential that one among them should come forward to jump into water. Since there were three men, they felt unanimously that it would be better to sacrifice the woman so that they can escape. With that intent, they eagerly looked at the woman expecting her to do the plunge.

The woman felt that she could not escape this predicament. However, before jumping, she opted to deliver a lecture to the selfish men about the greatness of sacrifice. She started talking in a highly spirited voice about the importance of doing a selfless act in life, how a person sacrificing for the sake of others gets glory, gets a space in heaven and so on. Her discourse was highly impressive; the men who heard it with rapt attention could not control themselves to express their appreciation to the lady as she finished her talk. The clapped their hands together to demonstrate their appreciation.

No need to tell what happened next!

(Source: Amritam Gamaya -Malayalam  Vol 1)

5. Change of Role

Once a man prayed to Go: “My lord! My wife never understands the difficulties I am undergoing in my life. Acroos the whole day, I toil and suffer with my workload in my office; but she is staying at home and enjoying her life. Dear God, I have a wish. Please change our roles; let me become a housewife and let her become a male and attend the office.”

God accepted his prayers and assured him that he would do the same.

The next day, as he woke up he had become the female and his wife, a male.  For the erstwhile woman, now ‘new husband’ it was now enough if he wakes up at eight, take bath leisurely and get ready to go to office. But for the old husband, now the wife, it became inevitable to rise up early from bed.

She started preparing breakfast. She woke up the children and bathed them and forced them to eat breakfast. She had to sweep the house clean. Now it was time to make things ready to send her husband to office. She took out the dress for her husband to wear from the wardrobe, served him breakfast and sent him off. She took her children to school and dropped them there. on her way back, she went to the market and bought fresh vegetables. Immediately she had to wash the old clothes.

Once it was over, it was time to start cooking lunch. Suddenly it started raining. She had to rush out to gather the dresses hung outside in the open, bring them in and spread them for drying in the clothe lines inside the house. It was now evening and the children returned from school. She gave them snacks and milk and sat with them to do their homework. By that time, the husband returned from office; she had to serve him biscuits and tea.

She lit the evening lamps and spent time in chanting God’s names and doing prayers.  It was time to serve dinner followed by cleaning the utensils. Before going to bed, she had to arrange things for the next day’s routine.

Days went by this way. Thus the wife (the erstwhile husband) became very tired, weak and disillusioned on account of the never ending daily chores of a typical housewife. She prayed to God, “Oh dear lord; I have lost all my energy playing my new role as wife. Enough is enough. Please convert me back to my old husband role, please!”

God smiled and said, “Yes,  I will do it, but you have to wait at least for 10 months.”

“Why, why?” asked the woman.

“Because you are pregnant now” said the Lord and disappeared!

[Amma: “Most us are like the husband in this story. We always tend to compare ourselves with those better off than us and feel we are not as happy as they are.  But we should rather compare us with those who are leading a more difficult life than us and feel happy that we are so much better off than these people. Every person in this world is unique. Each person has a specific role to play which is not  same as the other. We must understand this and play our role to the best of our ability with self confidence. Only then we will get satisfaction out of our life.“]

(Source: Amritam Gamaya -Malayalam  Vol 1)

6. Hunger and spiritual philosophy

Once two sanyasis who are well versed in scriptures were travelling together on a pilgrimage by walk. Each of them carried food packet with them, which they would consume after taking bath in the morning. After walking for long, they finally ended at the bank of a river. It was already past noon and they were feeling extremely hungry and tired.
One sanyasi said, “Let me go first to take bath and return; you take care of our food packets lest some animals may come and snatch them away”.

He stepped in to the river for taking bath. The other sanyasi who was sitting at the river bank under the shade of a tree, felt too hungry to wait for bathing. He opened his food packet and started eating in a hurry. Unfortunately, his hunger could not be appeased by it; he thought for a while; then he took out the food packet of the other sanyasi and ate it too!

As the first Sanyasi came back after taking bath, he said, “you can go for bathing; Come back quickly so that we can eat. I am extremely hungry.”

When the second sanyasi came back after bathing, the first one asked angrily, “I was looking for our food packets and they are missing! What have you done?”

“Oh! I was feeling extremely hungry. I ate both of them”.

The former flared up: “How on earth can you eat my share? ”

The second sanyasi said, “Cool down brother! Why do you get excited so much? I am the atman residing in every being. Have you not read the scriptures properly. What does Lord Krishna say in Bhagavad Gita 15.14 — “Aham vaishvanaro bhutva, praninam dehamashritah…….” What does it mean? ‘I, becoming the subtle fire called Vaishvanara, in association with prana and apana vayus, digest all the four types of food’. That is precisely what happened. Don’t get agitated!”

The first sanyasi looked around him. He found a long piece of stick nearby. He took it in his hands and started beating the other. The second sanyasi cried in pain, “Hey, stop stop! Why are you hitting and hurting me like this?”

The first sanyasi said immediately, ” Cool down brother! Why are you shouting like this? Has not lord Krishna said in Bhagavad Gita 2.23 — “nainam chindanthi sasthrani, nainam dahati pavakah.…….” What does it mean? ‘No weapon can hurt the Atman, no fire can burn it, no water can wet it and no air can dry it’. You are that Atman! Don’t get agitated!”

[Amma: “Pundits can quote verbatim many things from scriptures with vanity, but it is not a measure of any spiritual attainment”.]

7. Changing the Capital

Once a man overheard a boy making prayers at the temple. The boy prayed, “Dear God, Please make China as the capital of America”. The man was bemused to hear such a prayer. He asked the boy, ” Why are you making such a prayer?”

The boy said, “Yesterday, while answering my exam paper I had written “China” as the capital of America. Subsequently I came to know that my answer was wrong. So, I am praying to God to make my answer right!”

[Amma: “What we need is a childlike heart and not childishness. Any prayer to God like this is childish”.]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki- Tamil – Part 2)

8. Expert speaker

Once a boy said to his friend, “My teacher is really a great intellect”.

“How?” asked the other boy.

“He is capable of talking for hours on any subject you give. Even if you give him a trivial subject, he can talk for 5 hours!”.

The other boy said, “If you say so, I would say, our neighbor is far greater speaker than your teacher. Even without any subject given, he can talk endlessly for days!”

[Amma: “Nowadays many orators who speak at gatherings are like that. In reality, there is no greatness in public speaking. It is not wrong in public speaking, but what is more important is to put words into practice. Nowadays, most of the talks are meant to give advice to others but never to follow in life.”]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Part 2)

9.  Ideal couple (?!)

Once there was a village where all the people lived harmoniously and  peacefully. The reason for this was attributed to a couple in the village, whose life of living without any conflicts or fights was an inspiration for the entire village. If there is some skirmish within any family, elders would say, “Look at that lady! How calmly and peacefully she is living with her husband? Have you ever heard of any bickering, angry exchange of words or fighting between the couples? See how affectionately do they life together. You must learn to be as patient as that lady”.

Hearing it, peace would return to the family. This way, the entire village remained peaceful.

The 30th marriage day of the couple happened to come. In order to celebrate it, the entire village gathered. Having heard about the reputation of the couple, people from Media too came to conduct an interview with the lady of the house. The interviewer asked, “We have heard that your husband was an extremely short tempered and would flare up even for little things before marriage; we also came to know that after marriage there was not even a trace of fight between you and your husband; May we know the secret behind it?”

The lady said, “There is no great secret about it.  Immediately after our marriage, we went on a sightseeing trek.  We took a donkey with us to carry our baggages and foodstuff. On our way, the donkey tripped and fell down. My husband did not like it. He ran to the donkey, twisted one of its ears and said, “You must be careful; this is my first warning to you”…

“We put the luggage back on the horse back and continued with our journey. After a couple of hours, the donkey tripped over a stone and fell down again. My husband got extremely angry. He caught hold of both of its ears, twisted them and said, “I had already told you that you must be careful. This is my second warning to you”….

“On our trekking we were  to climb and cross three hills; till we crossed two hills, there was no further problem from the donkey. As we were half way up the third hill, the donkey was extremely tired and exhausted.  It fell down again. This time my husband took out a pistol from his pocket and shot the donkey. The donkey died instantly…

“I could not digest what he did. I said, “Oh! what a sin you have committed! After all it is a hapless poor animal and how can you be so cruel to kill it like this?”…

“Hearing this, my husband came running towards me and caught hold of my ear. He twisted it and said, “You must be careful; this is my first warning to you. Understand?”

“I understood. Whenever something unpleasant happens between me and my husband, I could not help but think of the fate of the donkey. So, I invariably shut my mouth and maintain peace. This is the secret of my successful family life!”

[Amma: “Even though this is story is meant for humor and the virtue of patience that the lady developed was purely based on fear, there is indeed a value for it. If a crystal of diamond falls on excreta, we would still pick it up on account of its value”.]

10.  Pride

Once a Major in Army got promoted as Colonel. On the day of his taking charge, a person came to see him at his office.When he saw the person entering into his room, he swiftly took his telephone and started speaking “Hello, President Clinton? Any important news? Yeah, I took charge as colonel only today and there is lot of work to do and files to be studied. Please convey my inquiries to your wife; I will speak to you later as I am hard pressed for time…” He hung up,  looked at the visitor with pride and asked gravely, “Yes, what do you want?”

The visitor who was all along standing there with humility said, “Excuse me sir; I have come from the telephone department. This phone-set was provided afresh here yesterday; I have now come to give connection to it!”

[Amma: “Now who became a fool in this story? Perhaps on account of our false pride, we may look like fools on many occasions and we may not be aware of it; that’s all. If someone tries to project himself  as great in front of many people, he may become a fool in front of many”.]

11.  Test of boldness

Once a huge fire broke out at a place and several fire trucks rushed towards the location. The fire was raging so badly that the fire trucks were afraid to go near it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, one fire truck rushed straight into the fire. This gave courage to other firemen and they followed behind. Soon they put out the fire.

The firemen were so proud of the bravery of that fireman who drove the leading vehicle right into the spot that they wanted to give him an award. They held a banquet in hi honour and expressed their appreciation. They asked him if he wanted anything.

He said, “Yes, I’d like to have the brakes fixed on my fire truck!”

(Matruvani – English – Jan 2020)

 

12.  What to do? It is Kali yuga!

[Amma: “In the Bhagavata Purana written thousands of years ago, it has been clearly stated how life in the Kali Yuga (the time period in which we currently live) will be topsy turvy in so many aspects. Many of these things are indeed happening right in front of  our eyes. It is written in Bhagavata that Forests will turn into households; houses will turn into shops; temples will turn to be places of entertainment; In Kali yuga, the father will eat the son and the son will eat the father (meaning that parents and their offspring will always be at loggerheads with each other). It is also written that women will look like men and men will look like women! It is also there to see nowadays; isn’t it?  Here is a story…”]

 

Once a middle aged man was travelling in a train. He was travelling to meet some of his acquaintances with the intention of finding a right partner for marriage to his daughter.

In the train, there was a woman and her son sitting at the opposite seat. The man entered into casual conversation with them. As they talked the man came to know of the educational qualification of the son, employment details and family background. The man liked the looks of the son and he felt he could be a right match for his daughter.

He broached the subject to the woman saying, “I have a daughter to be married off. It looks your son will be a right match for her; will you be interested in taking some steps on this matter?”

Hearing this, the woman flared up. “What do you mean? This is my daughter and not my son!”

The man was shocked. He said hastily, “Oh, I am extremely sorry madam; excuse me for my fault”.

He got an another angry retort from the other person now: “What do you mean by ‘madam’? I am a man!”

13.  Ideal husband?

Once a group of modern girls were discussing about marriage and their ideas about an ideal husband.

Once of the girls said, “According to me, Lord Shiva is the ideal husband”.

The other girls were very surprised to hear it. They asked how.

The girl said, “Lord Shiva has moon at his head. So there is no problem for light and no electric bill to pay for lighting.  He has Ganga river on his head. In the present days of water shortage, I will not have any problem for water; he wears only a tiger skin always. So, I don’t have the burden of washing his clothes. He takes his food by begging. Hence, I have no responsibility of cooking for him! So, I consider Lord Shiva as the perfect husband!”

(From Amma’s Sivarathri Satsang 21/2/2020)

14.  Happy old man?

Once a passerby noticed an old man sitting on a swing at the front yard of a house and joyfully swaying in the swing. He was so surprised to see the old man’s healthy looks that he wanted to know the secret. He went close to the old man and asked, “Sir, what is the secret of your good health?”

The old man said, “Oh! I smoke 6 packets of cigarettes a day;  I consume one barrel of whisky every week; I eat meat all the three times a day. And I never do any exercise!”

“I just cannot believe it! May I know how old are you?”

“Twenty six” said the “old”man.

[Amma: “Indulgence in narcotics and alcohol may help to forget the world and derive some temporary joys; People don’t understand that  on account of such habits, they are losing their vigor and vitality and causing damage to their health. Their health would deteriorate rapidly, they get geriatric faster and die early in life.  People who are to support the family and the country destroy themselves through these evil habits and cause suffering and agony to their dependents too”.]

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)

15.  What if ?

Two wildlife photographers were walking through a forest.

All of a sudden, a huge lion jumped onto their path. The two photographers shook with fear.

One of them whispered to the other through the corner of his mouth, “Don’t move! Don’t even breathe! Stand as still as a statue. Remember what we read in that book? If we stand still and look the lion in the eye, it will leave us alone.”

The second man replied, “Yes, you’re right, buddy, we read it in the book. But has the lion read that book? The book is different from this reality. So let us try to run and escape!”

[Amma:Similarly, what we read in a book is different from real life. It is when we face real life situations that we learn.”]

(From Amma’s Covid-19 Talk on 10/52020)

Humorous stories from Amma – Part 4 (15 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

1.     Surmountable Problem!

Once there were two colleagues – a male and a female – working in an office at adjacent seats. When some serious issues or crisis comes up in the office works causing them mental stress, both of them had a habit of opening their wallet and looking at a picture they had kept there. They would close their eyes and then start resuming their work with revived vigor.

Others in the office who have been watching this for long were curious to know what picture did they carry in their wallets that could give them mental peace in moments of tension.

When they inquired, the man showed the picture and said it was his wife.

“Oh! You love wife so much that when you look at her picture itself you feel energized?” they asked.

The man replied coolly, “No. At the moment of extreme problem at office, when I look at my wife’s photo, I think ‘when I have been facing such a huge problem in life, is it a big deal to face this problem in the office?’. Immediately I get the vigor to surmount any problem”.

They asked the woman colleague. The woman showed the picture which was her husband and said the same about her husband!

[Amma laughingly said, after narrating this story, “If I say the story of only a man looking at his wife’s photo, the woman folk here would come and fight with Amma that she is not fair! So, I added the woman character too in this story to escape from complaints of partiality!”

Br. Shubhamrita, who was the translator of Amma’s satsang from Malayalam to English, while translating this narrative added on his own: “Of course Amma is always partial towards men for justifiable reasons, but she added the woman character in the story today  just to ward off criticism only!” Amma too joined the laughter when Shubhamrita added his quip!]

(Beach Satsang Fri 6/2/2015)

2.  Experience

[Amma: “Rational thinking and proper understanding are same. When you can think rationally,  your understanding increases and vice versa.  If you can stay in the present wilfully, your awareness increases and you get clarity in thinking. When you get clarity,  you can foresee hints about dangers and problems that are going to come. Let Amma share with you a story she had heard:”]

Once a correspondent from a newspaper came to interview a very successful businessman. The conversation went on like this:

Correspondent: “Sir, what is the secret of your success?”

Businessman: “Just two words”.

C:  “What are they?”
B: “Right decisions”

C: “How do you take right decisions?”
B: “One word”.

C: “WHat is it?”
B: “Experience”.

C: “How do you gain experience?”
B: “Two words”.

C: “What are they?”
B: “Wrong decisions!”

(Source: From ‘Ammavin Anpu Ullaththilirunthu‘ Tamil)

3. Owning the Guru!

[Amma: “A disciple must make use of the external physical form of the guru to grasp his internal subtle form. To know the subtle form of the guru, the disciple should have a subtle mind. A disciple, instead of grasping the Guru’s real subtle form,  serves only the external physical body, it may lead to dangerous consequences. Let Amma tell you a story to narrate this:”]

Once a guru had two disciples. Both of them were always competing with each other to serve the guru. Once, while relaxing in the bed, the guru asked his disciples to massage his legs. Both came and sat on either side of the Guru. The disciple sitting on the right side said to the other, “Listen; this right leg of the guru belongs to me and the left leg is for you; Is that alright?”

The other disciple said, “OKay. But make sure to confine your services to the right leg only. Never attempt to encroach on “my” left leg of the guru. Is that clear?”

“Fine; I will take care of “my” right leg.  You should ensure that “your” left leg should never come on “my’ way. Right?”

Thus settled, both of them started to message their side of the leg of the guru.  As the guru had already dozed off, he did not hear the conversation between the disciples and their ‘property sharing agreement’.

During sleep, the Guru turned side wise. Now the right leg was lying over the left leg.  This made the second disciple very angry. He shouted at the first disciple “You have broken your agreement. I hust cannot tolerate the right leg resting over “my” left leg. Remove it immediately, else I will show you my true color. Don’t blame me for the consequences later”.

The first disciple got very angry on account of this provocation. He stood up and said, “you arrogant rascal! Don’t throw any hollow words. Come on! Show me what you can do; if anything happens to “my” right leg, that will be your end!”

Both got worked up. They took two wooden sticks in their hands. The second disciple was ready to break the right leg that has insulted the left leg by resting over it. The first disciple was also ready to break guru’s left leg, if only ‘his’ property of right leg was hit.

Hearing this commotion, the guru woke up from his slumber; he was shocked to see his disciples standing at his two sides with wooden sticks in hand, with their faces red with anger. “What happened? What are you up to?” asked the Guru.

The disciples replied, “Maharaj, you just lie down and continue with your sleep. This is something between the two of us and you don’t have to bother interfering in this matter. We will settle it ourselves!”

(From Arul Mozhigal- Part IV)

4. Going through the motion

[Amma: “Even in the path of bhakti (devotion), certain amount of jnanan (knowledge) is essential. Rituals have their place and purpose in the practice of Bhakthi but their significance must be properly understood. Blindly following rituals will not really help in one’s religious practices”.]

Once there lived a person who was very systematic in his daily worships. He would offer milk, panchamritam etc to the deity, light lamps, chant hymns and prayers daily.

He had a pet cat in his home. While he performed the pooja and chanted the hymns with closed eyes, his cat would sneak in and lick the milk kept in front of the deity. Having noticed this once, he felt bad that the milk meant for offering to God was defiled by the cat. To prevent it, the man would catch the cat before commencing the pooja,  put a basket over it to cover it and thus prevent it from roaming around.

His little son would watch his father doing pooja daily and also noticed his practice of covering the cat with the basket. However, he did not know why he was doing so.

Years passed. The father died. So did the cat. The family tradition of conducting daily pooja to the deity came on the shoulders of the son who had grown up now.

The son too arranged the materials for the pooja, prepared milk and panchamritam and did every minute details of the pooja exactly as his father used to do. Suddenly he remembered: “Oh! The cat is missing!” There ws no cat in the house, but their neighbor had one pet cat. He went to the neighbor’s house, got their permission and carried the cat to his house for the sake of puja; he placed the cat by his side and covered it with a basket! He started singing his hymns only after that.

He made this ‘ritual’ a regular one, so that the ‘traditional’ pooja procedures established by his father were practiced by him impeccably!

(Tuesday Satsang 28/3/2017)

5. The closed case

[Amma: “Most people don’t have true faith. They are only in the grip of blind faith. Instead of devotion to God, what they have is fear and doubt. Even educated people won’t accept in God, but they have lots of faith in their car, house, TV etc. These worldly things can perish at any time and yet they have faith in them; but they don’t have faith in the imperishable atman which is the indweller in all beings. What a pity! Let me tell you a story:”]

Once in a village, an aged patient lost consciousness and looked almost dead. Everyone thought he had died. As per rituals, they bathed his body, adored him with a new clothe, placed him in a coffin, conducted the last religious sermons and carried the coffin in a procession towards the cremation ground.

People carrying the coffin suddenly heard a knocking sound from inside the coffin. First they were scared. Then they stopped the procession, placed the coffin on the ground and opened it. The person inside the coffin spoke in a feeble voice, with his eyes still closed, “I am not dead; please take me out”.

But the people around did not believe what he said. They said, “The doctor checked your body and declared that you were dead; The priest too had finished the sermons and given permission to conduct your last rites and bury you. Sorry. We can’t help now”

They closed the coffin, carried to the burial ground, dug a pit, buried the coffin and returned home!

 

6. Willingness to Share

[Amma: “Most people can talk eloquently about unselfishness and sacrifice. But when it comes to putting them practically in life, they would never do it wholeheartedly”.]

Once a man was telling his friend “I really want to serve the world unselfishly and become a renunciate”.

Noticing that his voice was dry and lacked any true emotion, the friend asked, “Do you really understand what unselfishness and renunciation mean?”

“Oh, definitely” said the man.

“If so, you should be prepared to share one of your TV Sets if you have two, to a poor person who does not have TV”.

“Yes. I am ready for it”

“If you have two cars, you should give your car free to one who does not have a car”.

“No doubt about it. I will surely give”.

“If you have two cows, you should give one to a poor person who does not have a cow”.

Now the man said, “Sorry! I cannot give the cow”.

His friend got  surprised. He asked, “Why can’t you give a cow? When you can share a TV set and a car with others, will not the same logic apply to cows too?

The man said, “No. That logic would now apply. In reality, I don’t have two TV sets or two cars. But I do possess two cows!”

[Amma: “Children! This is how our renunciation truly is! If someone comes to us for help, we would wriggle out saying, ‘I could have helped you if only I had this or had that’. But in reality, even if we are in a position to help others, we really don’t wish to do it. We will invent reasons for not helping them and turn them away”.]

(Source: Arul Mozhigal-6 Tamil)

7. Where did God hide?

Long long ago, when God decided to create the world, his idea was to create a nice place for him to reside. So,  he created this earth with beautiful mountains, meadows, forests, rivers, seas, birds and animals. He lived happily in it. Everything was going fine.

Unfortunately, God made a blunder one day. He created the human beings too!

From that day onwards, he was in trouble! Day and night people started complaining to him. They prayed for something or other. Not allowing him to eat, rest or sleep, people were constantly knocking at the doors, demanding something or other from him.

God lost all his peace of mind by the never ending demands of human beings.Once he solved one problem, another problem came up. The solution he gave to one person became a problem to another person.One person prays for bountiful rains. Another person complaints that his crops get affected by rain, his roof leaks and hence he wants the raining to stop. Whatever God did brought fresh problems to him and people ceaselessly complained.

God got fed up. He called his advisors and sought a solution to escape from people. One advisor told him to retire to Himalayas. God said people would find him there and soon come chasing him. Another person suggested God to move his residence to the moon. God said, “Dear friends; the problem with you is that you cannot foresee future, while I can. In future man will travel to moon too and find me there”.

His advisors fell silent. After a while, an old advisor came close to God and murmured something in his ears. God’s face brightened up hearing his suggestion. His suggestion was: “Dear lord, you hide yourself in the hearts of the people”. God said, “Yes. This is the right suggestion. Man will never search God  within himself and hence he will never find me out there!”

[Amma: “Children! God resides in the deepest recess of our hearts. He resides there in the form of guilelessness and pure love; Our mind and our ego hide his presence there; he is always there; we have forgotten that he is ever there”.]

8.  He is cured!

Once a physician came late to his dispensary to attend to the patients. As he entered into his dispensary, he saw a man with a miserable expression on his face, as if he was trying to control something with extreme difficulty. He was standing with his back tightly pressed against the compound and legs tightly close.

Before going to his cabin he asked the compounder cum assistant who was already there at his desk as to who the person standing against the compound wall was.

The compounder said, “Oh! That man has been waiting for you for the past one hour. He came here with uncontrollable cough. Since you were late, he wanted me to give him some cough syrup for his relief. I told him that cough syrup is presently presently out of stock. But he kept on insisting me for some relief till you come and attend to him. I took pity on him and gave him a purgative syrup for relief”.

The physician got extremely angry hearing it. “Are you a fool? Are you mad to give him a purgative instead of a cough syrup?”

The compounder said coolly, “Sir, my treatment has really worked. Look at him! He is not coughing at all!”

[Amma: “Sometimes certain wrong decisions we take in life might look might deceptively look right in the short run”.]

(Amma Singapore Satsang 2/5/19)

9. Cause and effect!

Once a man with a bandage on his forehead went to meet his friend.

His friend asked: “What happened? How did you get injured?”

The man said, “Yesterday my wife fell down”.

“If she fell down, how come you have injury on your forehead?”

“When she fell down I laughed. She got angry”.

10. Searching – for what?

Once a person called up his relative over phone. It was a child voice that answered “Hello”. The person knew that it was the little son of his relative. He said, “Hi my little boy, How are you? Please call your father”.

The boy said in a very hushed tone: “Father is very busy”.

“Then call your mother”.

“Mother is quite busy”

“Both are really busy? Right. Call your elder brother”.

“Elder brother is also busy” said the boy in hushed voice.

“What my dear son! How come everyone is busy? Who else is there in the house?”

“Some policemen are there”.

The caller was intrigued. He said, “Then call one of the policeman”.

“No. They are also busy!”

“Whaaat?  Then who else is there in the house?”

“Fire service men are there”.

“I wonder what is wrong there. Call one of them”

“They are also very busy”

The caller came to his wit’s end. “What is the nonsense happening there my son? Why are so many people there? what are they busy about?”

The boy said in a hushed tone: “They are all busy searching for me!”

[Amma: “People search for happiness everywhere, but the real source of happiness is within us”.]

11.  Identify yourself!

Once a new teacher came to the Biology class. He was teaching about different birds, their features, food and hunting habits etc. He announced: “Tomorrow there will be a midterm test on this subject. You have to do more self-study on this subject yourself. Let me tell you beforehand that the test could be somewhat unconventional so as to test how well you have grasped the subject.”

One student studied the textbook and also memorized the standard questions and answers on the subject.  He was quite confident to score good mark in the crucial test.

The next day, the new teacher had kept some five curated and stuffed models of birds on the table, with their bodies fully covered and only their legs and claws exposed.

The question paper read: “Identify the birds by their legs and write salient details of each bird giving their features, habitats, flying capacity and food habits”.

The student, who was all along used to only conventional exams was very upset and angry because he could never imagine such an unconventional way of testing the students. He felt it was not at all fair to conduct a test like this.

He walked angrily towards the new teacher, threw his empty answer paper on his table and said, “Sir, we are not used to these types of exams. It is not right to force such a surprise test on us. I am sorry to tell you that it is very unfair to make us fail or lose marks this way. I am protesting against this test and I am going to walkout without writing this test”.

He stomped out of the room. When he was near the entrance, the new teacher shouted, “Hey! What is your name and roll number?”

The boy promptly turned back, lifted up his pants up to his knees and said, “Sir, Look at my legs and find out yourself!”

 

12.  You get what you deserve

Once a rishi was taking bath in a river. A little mouse that somehow fell into the river got drifted towards the sage by the river stream. The sage picked up the mouse and brought it to his hut. He somehow developed a liking for the mouse which interacted with him with love. Using his yogic powers, he blessed the mouse to become the  a beautiful princess of the country.

The princess grew up and the king started looking for the right match for her. One day the king brought the princess to the sage and sought his blessings and guidance for getting the right husband for her.

The mouse in the form of the princess fell at the feet of her erstwhile savior. The sage asked her affectionately, “What sort of husband do you wish? I will bless you accordingly”.

The princess said, “My husband must be the most powerful personality in the whole world”.

The sage said, “The entire world’s survival depends on the sun. He is indeed the most powerful ruler of this world. Shall I ask the sun God to marry you?”

The princess thought for a while and said, “But the clouds can cover the sun from shining on the earth; is not the cloud more powerful than the sun?”

“Well; then I will arrange your marriage with the God of rains” said the sage.

The princess thought for a while and said, “But the clouds can be blown over and dispersed by the wind; is not the  wind more powerful than the cloud?”

“Well; If you think so, I will arrange your marriage with Vayu, the wind God” said the sage.

The princess thought for a while and said, “But I am afraid the mountain is more powerful than the wind, because it  can stop the movement of wind.  Is not the mountain  more powerful than the wind?”

The sage chuckled within himself and said, “Well; in fact there is something more powerful than the mountain too”.

“Who is it? I would be glad to marry him!” said the princess.

“A mouse. A mouse can dig a hole even through a mountain. Is it not more powerful than the mountain?”

The princess jumped with joy! “Yes, yes! I will marry the mouse!”

The sage laughed aloud; he sprinkled some holy water on the princess and converted her back to a mouse, so that she could marry a male mouse and live happily thereafter!

[Amma: “Every one of us are in fact the Atman which is essentially divine and beyond birth and death. Yet, because of maya, we tend to lower our real status by identifying ourselves with our body and mind and thus limit ourselves”.]

(Amma Satsang on 1.6.19)

12.  As you interpret, so you understand

Once two boys got a bunch of nuts to eat.  They went to sit under a huge shady tree at the back end of a cemetery. They took out the pack and decided to share them equally. Picking the nuts one by one they said, “This one is for you, this one is for me” and started dividing them. As they picked up the nuts some of them rolled out and fell close to the fence of the cemetery.  The boys noticed it and yet they continued with their job of dividing, leaving those nuts at the fence to be picked up at the end.

Just behind the fence, there was a road. A boy from the nearby locality came by bicycle towards that place. He heard some voices from inside the cemetery; he was curious to know what was going on. He stopped there, went close to the fence and sharpened his ears to hear the conversation inside. He heard “This one is for you and this one is for me” again and again. He was shocked.

With pounding heart, he rushed in his bicycle to share what he found out to the first person he encountered. An old man was walking by that side and the boy said, “Uncle! I heard the weirdest conversation between God and Satan inside the cemetery!”

The old man laughed and asked, “What did you hear?”

“I heard God and Satan sharing the the souls between them in the cemetery  saying “this one is for you and this one is for me!”.

“Whh..at? That is nonsense!” said the old man.

“But uncle, believe me! I heard it; please come with me; perhaps we can still hear it”.

Out of curiosity, the old man rushed to the spot along with the boy. Sure he could also hear “This one is for you and this one is for me” from inside the cemetery!

The old man was very curious to investigate. He went close to the fence and see whether there are any gaps through which they can peep in and see what was going on.  He found a small gap in the fence and when he looked in he could see a wide tree trunk and nothing more.  With difficulty he widened the gap so that both of them could look inside.

But they could still not notice the two boys there inside, as the tree trunk was hiding them. They heard, “Okay. This one is for you and this one is for me. We are almost finished. Let us pick those nuts at the fence and share between us. Then we are done!”

Hearing this the old man and the boy had the shock of their lives. Instantly they took to heels and ran like mad from the spot!

[Amma: “Limited by our own preconceived ideas and intellectual limitations, we misinterpret many things in life and suffer out of it”.]

13.  Perks?

Once, when the monthly phone bill came for the landline phone in the house, the husband felt shocked. The amount was exorbitantly high. ‘Someone is excessively using the phone here; it must be my wife’ he thought.

He called his wife and showed her the bill. “I am afraid you are excessively talking in the phone; it’s time you stopped it immediately” he said.

The wife felt offended. “No! I am hardly using this phone; whatever personal calls I make, I do it from my office phone and not from here! It must be our son who is doing this” she said.

The father called his son and inquired. “No papa! I don’t use our landline phone for my personal calls. I only make use of office phone for this purpose”. Then, after thinking for  while, he said in a subdued voice, “I think it is our new servant maid, who is using our phone. I have noticed her talking from our phone on a few occasions when none of us are in the hall!”

The father was shocked to hear this. He immediately called the new servant maid and inquired.  She admitted that she was indeed using the phone and added, “What’s wrong in it? I am also using the office phone, no?”

[Amma: “All of us nurture double standards in our life; whatever we do is perfectly normal but if others do it it is wrong!”]

13.  What’s the time?

Once, a person went to the house of an old friend. They were meeting after a very long time. The friends talked happily for hours reminiscing many old incidents across a couple of drinks. It became late at night. Suddenly the visitor said, “Oh! It is already late! Wonder how time just flew by talking about our good old days! What is the time like? My wife will be waiting for me and she will get worried; My mobile has no charge…” Saying so, he looked around for a wall clock.

The host said, “Sorry, I don’t have a wall clock or a timepiece. My mobile too is out of order… Wait! Let me find out the time for you…”

So saying, he took out a hammer from his tool box and started hitting the wall. After a while, there was a loud voice shouting from the adjacent flat: “You idiot!  Don’t you have sense that others are sleeping? What are you breaking at midnight 12 o’clock?”

The man smiled gleefully and said to his friend, “Got it? It is 12 o’clock now!”

[Amma: “Some people are so selfish and insensitive that they don’t care causing inconvenience to others in order to fulfil their selfish motives.”]

15. New Year Resolution

A group of friends were celebrating New Year Day. A youngster asked for a cigarette from his friend. His friend said, “Didn’t you tell me that you have taken a resolution not to smoke from this New Year?”

The youngster replied, “Yes. I am indeed stopping it stage by stage. The first stage is this”.

“What do you mean by first stage?”

“In the first stage, I have resolved not to buy cigarettes from my own money and I will smoke only by getting cigarettes from my friends”.

[Amma: “Children, our resolutions should never be like what this youngster did! Once we take a resolution, we should implement it, come what may”.]

 

 

 

Humorous stories from Amma – Part 3 (15 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

1.  Thanklessness

[Amma: “Man shamelessly take things from nature with utter greed. He never seems to be thankful for whatever he has received”].

Once a man was standing in a bus stop. Since the bus he was waiting to board broke down, there was lot of delay. As the man kept looking around idly, he noticed an ice-cream vendor nearby. During the long period of waiting, nobody seemed to buy any icecream from the vendor. Seeing his impoverished looks, the passenger took pity on the vendor and asked, “How much does a cup of ice-cream cost?”

“Five rupees” said the vendor. The man took out a five rupee coin from his pocket gave it to the vendor, and walked away without collecting the ice-cream, intentionally.  The but too gor repaired by that time and he boarded the bus and went away.

A couple of days later too, the man came to the ice-cream vendor, asked for the ice-cream, gave another 5 rupees, and went away without collecting the ice-cream.

Within the next one year or so, the same thing happened several times.

One day the man came to the vendor once again. This time the vendor could not contain his curiosity. He asked, “Sir, may  I know why you are giving me five rupees again and again but not collecting the ice-cream?”

The man said, “See, I have no liking for ice-cream. When I gave you five rupees for the first time, I was feeling that I should do some little help to you, since you were not doing any business for long, as I watched you from a distance from the bus stand. Actually, I was waiting in the bus stand that day to catch my bus to go to a job interview. Surprisingly, I got the job and I came and donated another five rupees for you”

“You were giving money a few more times too subsequently; why?” asked the vendor.

The man said, “At one time, I got a huge order for my company and I received a good incentive money for it. I came here the next day and gave money to you. Subsequently, I got a promotion quickly and I came here again. To day, i have come here to give your five rupees because I got promoted to Manager post today!”

The vendor said coolly, “Sir, it’s all fine. But I have to tell you something; since last week, the price of the ice-cream has been increased from five rupees to ten rupees”.

(Devi bhava satsang abroad 4/3/2015)

2.  How to lessen the shock

[Amma: “Effective communication is very important for good relationships”]

Once a wife went on a tour while her husband stayed back. She was very fond of her pet cat and gave strict instructions to her husband to take good care of the cat during her absence.

One day, the cat climbed over the roof of the house. Unfortunately it slipped from there, fell down and died.

The husband sent an SMS to his wife: “Your cat is dead”. The wife was very shocked and got very upset. She cut short of her trip and returned home. She shouted at her husband for his carelessness and said, “You won’t understand what a huge shock it was for me to see your sudden SMS informing of the cat’s death. You see, you should have a heart for understanding your wife’s sentiments and have some tact to convey the message. You should have first told me ‘the cat climbed onto the roof’. Then you must have informed ‘it fell down, got some injury and is undergoing treatment’, then ‘the cat is in serious condition’ and finally, ‘the cat passed away’. This way I would be able to absorb the bad news step by step, digest it without getting a shock”.

“Okay, dear; I understood” said the husband.

The wife left again to resume her tour. Within a few days, she got an SMS from her husband: “Your mother climbed on the roof”.

(Devi bhava satsang abroad 4/3/2015)

3.  The drunkard’s resolve

Once a drunkard went to a new bar and ordered 3 glasses of drink.  The bartender asked “Why are you asking for 3 glasses, Sir? You have come alone”.

The drunkard said, “I had two best friends and we normally drink together; one has left for USA and the other left for Australia in pursuit of their jobs; now I want to drink their share too, in fond memory of them”.

The drunkard kept visiting the same bar everyday and his habit of ordering 3 glasses and drinking all of them became regular.

One day he came to the bar as usual and ordered only two glasses of drink. The friendly bartender said, “I am sorry about it”.

“Why are you feeling sorry?” asked the drunkard.

“Since you ordered only two glasses of drink, I thought one of your friends might have died”.

“Don’t  say any such nonsense to me! Both of them are hale and healthy”.

“Sorry sir;  Then why did you order only two glasses of whisky today?” asked the bartender with curiosity.

“See, I have become quite concerned about my health. My doctor too advised me to stop drinking. So,  I have decided to stop drinking from today.  It is MY share of the drinks that I did not order today; Understand?”

4.  The patient listener-1

Once a scholar gave a lecture to a gathering of 3000 people in a large hall. He was so much immersed in his monolog that he kept talking on and on and the audience started getting bored. people started leaving the hall one by one and then gradually more and more. But the scholar kept continuing unabated. After a while, the whole hall was empty except for one person sitting at the front row and listening.

Finally the scholar stopped. He felt very happy to see at least one person sitting through the lecture till the end and he felt very thankful to him. He appreciated the man and asked, “Did you find the entire talk so helpful to you?”

The man replied: “No sir; the ‘asana’ (mat) on which you are sitting and delivering the talk belongs to my wife. If I  go home without collecting it, she will scold me!”.

5.  The sad story at the end

[Amma: “The importance of spirituality in life should be grasped early in life. Leading a life without spirituality and realizing the need much later in life will only bring sorrow.”]

Once three friends Ramu, Somu and Komu went on a holiday to a new city. They stayed in a hotel and their room was at the 60th floor.

They took a cab to go round sight seeing in the city. There was a rule followed in the hotel that the elevators would be switched off at 12 at midnight and hence all the guests were advised beforehand that they should ensure return to the hotel before midnight.

Ramu, Somu and Komu who spent the whole day in sight seeing and then in partying at a bar till late night; they  forgot totally about the Hotel rules. When they returned to the hotel in a cab, it was 1 AM and the elevator was already switched off. They had no option but to walk up all the 60 floors using the stairs.

Ramu said, “To forget the strain of climbing up, I will keep cracking jokes till we reach 20th floor; from 20th to 40th floor, let Somu keep telling happy stories; from 40th to 60th floor, let Komu keep telling sad stories”. The friends agreed.

Hearing Ramu’s jokes, they climbed the first 20 floors without strain. Then Somu started narrating happy stories and they managed to climb another 20 stories with effort. Finally Komu started narrating several sad stories and with lots of stress and strain they managed to reach the 60th floor.

Just then Komu said, “Now I am going to tell you the saddest story of all. Friends, we have left behind our room key at the cab itself”.

(Amma’s New year day Satsang 2016)

 

6.   One level below!

[Amma: “The causes and effects of karma work in a cyclic way. Men of the past dominated women unduly. Now the cycle is reversed.”]

A dominating husband in a household used to keep telling his wife that she must always be one step below him. To check how far she had understood his instructions, he asked: “If I sit in a chair, where will you sit?”

The wife said, “I will sit in a stool, lower than the chair”.

He asked: “If I sit in the stool, where will you sit?”

She replied: “I will sit in the floor, below you”.

He asked again: “Suppose, I sit in the floor, what will you do?”

After some thinking, the wife said, “I will dig a hole in the ground and sit inside, below your level”.

The husband was still unrelenting. He asked: “Suppose, I sit in the hole, what will you do?”

The wife said instantly: “Ah! I am  just waiting for that moment! I will immediately fill the hole with the mud and then sit over you!”

(Amma US Tour Satsang June 2016)

7.  The costlier one!

[Amma: “In this world, many people live like the blind. They see things superficially without a deeper focus. They judge things very lightly with no capacity to see what is true. The present society seems to dwell in a half-sleep state”.]

Once a rich man wanted to present a very costly and highly valuable gift to his friend. He went to an antique shop and went around to see the various objects of the past kept displayed in glass shelves. He saw one skull there with a price tag of 25,000 dollars. He wondered why it was so costly. Next to it was another skull, much smaller in size, but carrying a price tag of 50,000 dollars. He could not contain his surprise.

The shop man explained: “Sir, the larger skull is that of the very first king that ruled this country thousands of years ago. it is such a rare and precious item that antique collectors can hardly come across! I hope you will agree with me that the price tag it carries is justified for its rarity and historic relevance.”

“But why is the smaller one costing double? What is so rare about it?”

“Ah! That too is the skull of the same king; but it looks small because it was his skull when he was a  boy.” said the shop man.

“Oh! Is that so? That’s fantastic! I will buy the small one!’ said the rich man.

8.  Hasty act!

[Amma: “Before engaging in any karma, one should use his discrimination too.”]

Once there was a very smart salesman who went out of the way with strange tactics to impress his customers and sell his vacuum cleaners.

He took his Wet and Dry vacuum cleaner for selling to a new locality. He located a house where the front door was open. He tiptoed to the house and peeped in to see whether anyone was in the reception room. Since no one was there, he rushed back, brought a packet of cow dung and quickly sprinkled them at the reception floor. He withdrew immediately and after a few minutes, he came back and rang the doorbell.

The lady in the house came out from the kitchen and the first thing she noticed was the reception floor dirtied by cow dung. She was shocked and surprised and then looked up the door to see the salesman standing outside.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“Good morning madam! I am coming from so-and-so firm selling wet and dry vacuum cleaner; may I come inside and arrange a demo for you?”

Even before she invited him inside, the salesman entered into the reception and feigned a surprise by looking at the floor! “Oh my God! What happened madam? Oh! Don’t worry; it looks I have come at the right time; I will straight away demonstrate how our machine cleans up this mess in no time”. He unpacked his machine and asked “Where is the plug point, madam?”

The woman, who was smart enough to understand that the mischief had been done by the salesman,  went inside and came back with a bucket of water and a mop; she extended them to the salesman and said, “I am afraid you have to clear up this mess with water and mop only. Please do it right now”.  The salesman said, “No madam! The electric machine is here; Show me the plug point please!”

The woman said coolly: “We don’t have electricity in the house”.

(Amma’s birthday satsang 2016)

9.  ‘Pet’ty problem!

[Amma: “Children, learn to understand respect others’ emotions. Listen to their problem with love and affection. A husband/ wife should accept the spouse wholeheartedly. Let there not be any secretiveness in relationship. All said and done, differences in opinions, misunderstandings and arguments will happen. Amma will tell you a funny story she heard…: “]

Once a wife was very desirous of owning a pet at home. But her husband never would agree to it. One day when the husband was away from home, the wife bought a little monkey and brought it home to raise it as her pet.

When the husband was back at home, he felt very angry to see the little monkey there. He shouted at his wife and asked “What food will you give for it?”. The wife said, “Whatever we eat”.

“Where will he sleep?” he demanded to know.

“In the same bed where we sleep” said the wife defiently.

“Oh! How about the bad smell?”

The wife said coolly: “Am I not tolerating  bad smell for the past twenty years? I think the monkey too will get used to it!”

(Source: Arul Mozhigal-8 Tamil)

10.  The cause of love

[Amma: “In the present day, it appears interpersonal relationships have lost meaning. It is rare to see true love between husband and wife. They seem to only nurture fear and distrust. They tend to analyze and weigh each other. True love becomes absent because of it. Only superficial relationship seems to exist between them due to lack of love and understanding. Amma remembers a funny story…”]

Once two friends met. One said, “You are lucky; you have a beautiful lover; what does she think of you?”

The friend said, “She thinks I am wonderful, good singer and a great painter”.

“What do you like in her?”

“I like her because she thinks I am wonderful, good singer and a great painter!”

(Source: Arul Mozhigal-8 Tamil)

 

11.  Accepting reality

One day, a father, noticing that his son had not got up from bed and was sleeping far beyond normal time, tried to wake up his son. The son was in no mood to get up; he tried to cover his face with the blanket and mumbled, “Papa, don’t trouble me; I don’t want to get up now…”

The father said, “Give me three reasons why you don’t want to get up”.

The son said, “One, I don’t want to go to school; two, school is boring; and three, children are making fun of me”.

The father then said, “Now I will give you three reasons why you should get up: One, you should go to the school — it is your duty; two, you are fifty years old and three, you are the principal of the school!”

(Tuesday Satsang 6/2/18)

12.  Women’s Expectations!

Once in a Supermarket, there was an exclusive section for women to ‘buy’ husbands of their choice! That section had 6 floors. There was a huge display board explaining the rules applicable to women who wanted to ‘shop’ for husbands there.

The rules were as follows:

  1.  Each floor has prospective grooms with certain qualities and the higher floors  have grooms with higher qualifications.
  2. A woman must  pick up a suitable mate at which ever floor she found a suitable mate and  exit from the store.
  3. If she is not satisfied at one floor, she is free to go up to a higher floor and look for better alternatives, but she cannot come back to a lower floor again with a revised choice!

Lots of women found it very exciting! They climbed up to the first floor and saw the display board. It said, “You will get well employed husbands earning very well here”.  “Oh, that’s good. Any way, let us see what is available in the next floor” so thinking, the women climbed up to the 2nd floor.

The notice board in the second floor said, “You will get husbands earning well and also looking quite handsome here in this floor”. Many women found it quite impressive. Yet, they wanted to know what is better in the next floor.

The notice board in the third floor announced “Husbands having good jobs, looking handsome and also having love for children can be had here”.  “Oh! This is indeed fantastic. What more would a woman need? Anyway, I am curious to know what better grooms are available in the next floor”. They moved up.

The board in the fourth floor said, “Well earning husbands, very handsome, loving children and offering help to wives in domestic chores are available here”. “Oh! This is really heavenly! I should definitely settle for this. Yet let me see what could really be better in the next floor” so saying the women moved up.

The board in the 5th floor announced: “Well earning grooms, very handsome, loving children, helping women in domestic chores and also giving full freedom to wives are available here”.  The women were flabbergasted. They could not imagine whether there could be anything greater than this ever possible in earth. Yet. Why not find out? Why miss another choice?

The board in the 6th floor had a huge electronic display and it said, “Welcome to 6th floor; In this floor, we don’t have any grooms to offer and we congratulate you for being the 2,34,45,567th woman visitor, seeking the most suitable husband!”

13.  What a Genie can do!

Once  a man was casually walking along the seashore. He noticed a glass bottle getting washed to the shore by the waves and he picked it up. Upon curiosity, he opened the bottle. Surprisingly, a genie came out of the bottle and saluted him. “Thank you for releasing me! I am your slave now. I can carry out three wishes from you. Please order me what to do”.

The man was overjoyed hearing this. He said, “I want a great grand palace for me to live in”.

The genie nodded.  There was a banging sound “boom boom” and within no time, there stood a huge palace, on the ground , right in front of them. “I want huge wealth” he asked next. ‘Boom boom’. the palace was instantly filled with mounds of gold and silver! The man could not control his joy!

Now he thought deeply of the third and final wish he could make. He made up his mind and said, “I should become  lovable to all women on earth”. Boom boom! The genie made him into a chocolate!

(Monday beach satsang 16/1/2017)

14.  What even Genie can’t do!

Once  a man was casually walking along the seashore. He noticed a glass bottle getting washed to the shore by the waves and he picked it up. Upon curiosity, he opened the bottle. Surprisingly, a genie came out of the bottle and saluted him. “Thank you for releasing me! I am your servant now. Please order me what to do”.

The man was very surprised. He thought for a while and said, “For a long time, I have been nurturing a wish to visit Hawaii islands. But I am allergic to travel by air. I don’t want to sail by sea too, as the journey will be slow, long and tiring. I want you to construct a highway and sea bridge from here to travel to Hawaii comfortably by car”.

The Genie said, “Do you ever imagine the amount of construction work involved in this” Do you know how many tons of steel, cement etc are needed and the extent of cost in labor and construction?  This is too big an extravaganza just for satisfying the fancy of an individual like you. Can you ask me something else, please?”

The man thought for a while and said. “Well, in that case, you teach me the secret of knowing a woman’s heart. I really want to know what makes a woman happy, what are truly her wishes and intentions and how to understand their needs and satisfy them fully”.

The genie thought for a while and said, “Well. Do you want a 4-lane  or a 6-lane highway for Hawaii?”

15. The adamant horse

Once the owner of a very famous race horse offered it for sale in a marketplace. The horse was very well built, powerful and also was difficult to control and ride. The owner spoke very high of his horse and explained how many races it had successfully won. There were many people who eagerly came forward to buy it, but the owner was demanding a hefty price for it. At last, one horse lover bought it by bidding a large amount and brought it to his house with pride.

The horse was rather adamant in not allowing him to mount on it.  But after lots of cajoling, he managed to mount the horse. There was one secret with the horse that the new owner did not know of. The horse had been trained in such a way that when the rider utters “I” it will start running; it will stop only when it hears the word “God”.

After mounting the horse, the owner tried to make it run by many tactics but the horse refused to budge. In exasperation, the owner said, “Oh if only I know the secret of making you run…” The moment the horse heard the word “I”, it started running. The owner felt very happy. The horse was running extremely fast and the owner was really thrilled. After a while, he wanted to stop the horse. He tried all the known and popular methods of stopping the horse but nothing worked. The horse was running non-stop with abundant energy; soon it started climbing a small hill.

The rider was really worried. None of his efforts to stop the horse worked. Soon the horse was running towards a cliff in the hill. As the horse reached the cliff, the rider shouted out of fear, “Oh God, please save me!”. The moment the horse heard the word ‘God’ it stopped. Had the horse taken one more step, both would have fallen off the cliff and surely met death.

The rider was extremely relieved. In the meantime, several people who saw the horse running uncontrollably and the rider riding it with fear of death writ large on his face, were running behind them, with the intent of offering any possible help should the man fall from the horse.

Those chased behind him caught up with him and they reached the cliff. They felt very relieved to see the horse standing there still. “Good to see you alive” they said. The man wanted to impress the people who might be thinking that he was an inept and inexperienced rider, that he was indeed capable. He said, “See, how I have successfully brought this adamant horse to my control at the last minute!”.

The moment the horse heard the word “I”, it surged forward!

[Amma: Our sense of “I”, the ego, is the greatest cause of trouble.”]