Humorous stories from Amma – Part 6
There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are more such little stories:
1. In times of Corona!
Once a man, who was confined to his house on account of Corona Virus lockdown for weeks together got terribly bored and frustrated. He was longing to go out and roam in the streets freely.
He heard the voice of a vegetable seller outside his house. The man rushed out. There a vegetable seller was on the street and was pushing his cart-load of vegetables to sell door to door. The man went near him and asked: “Do you have the licence to sell like this?”
“Yes; of course. I have got the permission letter from the municipal corporation” said the vendor.
The man spoke to him nicely: “Good. Now I will make an offer to you. I invite you into my house and you can relax under the fan and watch TV. I will ask my wife to serve you food and refreshments. Instead of roaming in the hot sun like this, you can take rest. I will take the cart on your behalf and sell your vegetables for the next two hours. I will hand over all the collections to you without any commission for me. Will you please agree?”
The vendor said: “No. Sorry. I will not. I cannot”.
The man said, “Why, why? I am only trying to help you in good will. If you want I can even pay extra to you from my pocket over and above the sales proceeds”.
The vendor said: “You see, I live in the next street. I am not the vegetable seller. The original vegetable seller is relaxing in my house. I have taken this cart from him for hire for a couple of hours!”
(From Amma’s Covid-19 message-2 dt 30/5/2020)
2. An useful tip to handle Corona!
Once a town under the care of a municipal Corporation was heavily infested with rats. People were suffering a lot and whatever they did in their homes to eradicate the rats did not work out. Pressure was mounting on the Municipality to tackle the issue on war footing to eliminate the rat menace.
The municipal administration formed a committee named “Task force for elimination of rats”. The committee members met frequently and initiated several measures to eradicate the rats. As time passed none of their techniques worked and the rate menace continued.
The municipality then renamed the comittee;” Taske force for containment of rat menace”. They continued to take steps but the rat problem continued to increase unabated.
Finally, the committee was renamed: “Task force for peaceful co-existence with rats” !
(From Amma’s Covid-19 message-2 dt 30/5/2020)
3. Wrong way to learn
Once a man was very keen to learn yoga. But he was too lazy to look for a Yoga Guru and he was also not willing to spend money for learning. He came to know that someone was teaching yoga in a local FM radio broadcast.
He tuned his radio to the radio station. A teacher was giving detailed stage by stage instruction for a particular yoga. The man decided to try it right away.
The voice said. ” Sit comfortably on a mat on floor in cross legged posture”. The man already knew how to sit so and he did.
“Now bend down, carefully lift your left leg and place your ankle behind your neck” said the voice.
It was rather difficult to do it, but the man was enthusiastic enough to try and succeed in placing his leg as instructed.
“Now carefully lift your right leg and place right ankle too behind your neck” said the voice.
The man found it even more difficult to do it. His neck and left leg were already aching. But he did not want to call it quits so quickly. With lots of effort he managed to place his right leg too as instructed. Every part of his body was aching now. He found it difficult to breath. He was desperate to unlock his legs but he could not do it easily. He was frantically waiting for the next instruction.
“The next step for this yoga will continue same time, tomorrow. Please stay tuned to Fitness for Health FM Channel at 84.7 FM. Have a good day!” said the voice the the program ended!
[Amma: “Yoga should always be learned in person from a qualified yoga teacher.”]
(From Amma’s talk on International Yoga Day 21/6/2020)
4. Poor memory!
[Amma: “It is not just enough if we develop skills. We should also have the capacity to keep our mind in peace under all circumstances. If not, even the existing skills will not be useful at crucial junctures.”]
Once a young man who was a graduate, went to attend a job interview. Since it was his first job interview, he was extremely under tension.
The interviewer started the conversation with simple question: “What is your name?”
Because of his tension, the youngman was dumbstruck for some time. Then he started biting his nails. The interviewer noticed that he was singing a song in an inaudible voice to himself.
He asked: “Why aren’t you saying anything? I asked just your name!”
The youngman said, “Just a moment sir. I am singing ‘Happy birth day to you…” song inside. I know my name will come at the end of the song and I can tell you then” .
(From Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)
6. Right words, wrong time!
Once a husband and wife used to fight with each other almost on a daily basis. The fight normally would start at night when the husband took his dinner. The husband never liked any of the dishes cooked by the wife and he was always vocally critical about it. The wife would get very upset with his remarks and that would trigger the fight between them.
One day, the husband was talking with his neighbor. The neighbor gave a friendly counselling: “You see, I am hearing you and your wife fighting daily. This is too bad. Rest of your life would become totally miserable if you go on and on like this. Don’t keep on criticizing your wife’s cooking. Just for change, you throw some appreciation on her cooking one day. That will make her happy and perhaps she would start cooking with much more care in order to get more appreciation from you. This way, you will regain mental peace”.
The idea appealed to him. That night, when he sat for his dinner, he remembered the friend’s advice. As he tasted one item after other, he kept on saying “Oh! This dish tastes very nice; this one is so good; this is wonderful…” and so on.
But instead of brightening up, his wife’s face turned red in anger.
But the husband did not notice her facial expressions. As he was about to finish, he asked “Can you serve some more of these stuff; I really enjoy eating them today”.
That was the last straw. The wife blew up in anger. She started throwing all the vessels here and there. The husband was totally taken aback by her reaction. He asked, “What is wrong with you? All along I have been criticizing your cooking, but today appreciated every food stuff that you served; I ate them all and even asked for more. Still why are so so angry? Why are you breaking the vessels?”
The wife said, “You have proved once again that you don’t like my cooking. I was not feeling well today and I did not cook the food. Since you would come hungry from the office, I ordered food from the restaurant and kept them ready for you. You enjoyed every item bought from Hotel. It proves you don’t like my cooking at all”.
[Amma: “Children, our efforts have limits. It is divine grace that is essential to make the effort fruitful.”]
(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)
7. Hence proved!
[Amma: “Many people ask ‘Is there really a God or no?’. As long as one’s analysis is within the precepts of creation, one can never understand the secret behind creation. Only when we transcend beyond creation, we can understand the secret of the creation. For that a basic requisite is a faith in a Creator (God) who is beyond creation.”]
Once a teacher was teaching the theory of evolution to his students.
He called a student named David and asked: “David do you see the tree outside the class room through the window?”
“Yes, I see it” said David.
“Now, go out and look up. Let me know whether you see the sky”.
David went out, came back and said, “Yes, I saw the sky”.
“Did you see God there?”
“No”.
The teacher said beaming: “That is my concept. There is no God. How can you believe something that you can’t see?”
Hearing this, a girl stood up and said, “Teacher, may I ask a few more questions to David?”
The teacher agreed.
“David, do you see the trees outside?”
“Yes, I see them”
“Do you see the grass?”
“Yes. I see”.
“Do you see the sky?”
“Yes. I see”
“Do you see our teacher?”
“Yes, I see”
“Do you see his brain?”
“No, I don’t see his brain”.
“Then, as per the concept taught by our teacher today, he does not have brain!”
[Amma: “Students of science first believe what the text books contain and what the teacher teaches. Then they can do experiments in lab and get first hand experience of what was taught to them. Likewise, we should first believe what our Rishis have told about god based on their personal experience. Then we too should undertake sadhana based on the teachings received from Guru. Then we too can experience God. “]
(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 3)
8. Same place!
Once four villagers engaged a motor boat to go deep into a forest through the river to cut a few trees and bring them back to their place for sale.
After travelling into the forest, they got down at an appropriate place. While the boatman waited at the bank of the river, the villagers went into the forest to cut well grown trees of their choice. After clearing the leaves and branches, they carried huge logs of four tree trunks one by one and brought it to the place where the boat was kept.
The boatman saw the logs and said, “These are too huge and heavy. I can at the best take three logs in the boat, along with you four people”.
But the villagers argued with him: “No, no! It won’t be a problem at all. Last year too we came to cut the trees and we transported four logs in a similar boat like this”.
“Are you sure? Were those logs of wood so big as these?” asked the boatman.
“Yeah, we are quite sure; don’t worry!”
The boatman reluctantly allowed them to load the four logs into the boat. He started the boat. They would have hardly moved by a kilometer or so, but the boat was unable to pull the load; it started to gradually sink in water and soon the boat capsized along with all the load.
With lot of difficulty, the four villagers along with the boatman managed to swim across the river and reach the bank nearby.
After resting for a while, one of the villagers asked “Do we know where we are now?”
One of them climbed over a huge rock nearby, looked around and exclaimed: “Hey! This place is quite familiar to me! We are hardly away by about hundred meters from the place where our boat capsized last year!”
[Amma: “Experiences are of no use if we do not learn our lessons from them”.]
(From Amma’s Guru Purnima message 5/7/2020)
9. The lost key!
Once a man brought his young boy to the doctor and said, “Doctor, my son has swallowed my suitcase key! Please help”.
The doctor asked, “When did it happen?”
The man said, “He swallowed it some 10 days ago, doctor”.
“Wh…what? 10 days ago? Why are you bringing him only now?” asked the doctor in a shocked tone.
“We had a spare key with us and hence managing with it all these days, doctor. But today we lost the spare key too and could not locate it despite searching it everywhere. We are badly in need of opening the suitcase, doctor. Please, help us!”
(From Amma’s Guru Purnima message 5/7/2020)
10 . Mala?!
Once a guru advised one of his new disciples to go to the top of the adjacent hill and spend a few days in seclusion totally dedicating himself to doing japa. He added, “Make sure to take ‘mala’ with you”. His intention was that the disciple should use his japa mala (rosary) to do his japa.
After a couple of days, the guru went up the hill to meet his disciple in order to check how well he had progressed in his austerities in seclusion.
The disciple saw his guru coming. He ran to him and fell at his feet. “Welcome my master!” he said.
“How are you? Are you doing fine? Did you face any difficulty?”
The disciple said, “No master; I am perfectly comfortable here thanks to Mala and the cups of tea I get”.
“Tea? Where from do you get your tea?”
“Mala is preparing it for me, Master” saying so, he called out loud. “Mala! Master too is here. Please bring two cups of tea!”
His girlfriend named Mala came out of the hut nearby with two cups of hot tea in her hands!
[Amma: “Some times, some disciples interpret their guru’s teachings to their own convenience”.]
(From Amma’s Guru Purnima message 5/7/2020)
11. The problem with the intellect
Once 3 persons who entered in to the territory of a terrorist king’s land were caught by securities. They were suspected to be spies. The king ordered them to be killed, by crushing them under a huge falling log. The 3 intruders pleaded for mercy, saying that they were innocent and had no spying role. The king said, “Okay. Put one by one at the killing spot and let the wooden log fall. If by chance the log does not fall and fail to crush a person, let him be released.”
All the three men were taken to the punishment arena. One of them was first made to lie down on the floor. A massive wooden log was hanging right above him at a about 15 feet height, held by hooks. Once the bell rang, the operatives were to release the hooks and the log should fall down. The man was trembling with fear and he was praying feverishly for God’s help so that the log did not get released. What a surprise! Due to a mechanical fault, the hook did not release and the log never fell down. He was allowed to get up and go! The man ran from the spot with uncontrollable joy.
Now the second person was made to lie down. Again the hooks failed to release the log and he was also saved.
Finally the third person came and lied down. He happened to be an Engineer. Upon noticing that the hooks were not releasing, he immediately understood what the technical hitch was. He called the operatives and gave them instructions on how to resolve it so that the hooks could release the log. The operatives did the correction and the log promptly fell on the Engineer and crushed him to death!
12. No problem!
[Amma: “When we face difficulties in life, we have the capacity to stand apart and watch it without getting deeply agitated, but most of us are not able to practice it under all circumstances. It is always easy for us to watch and analyse other’s problems dispassionately. But when it comes to our own problems, we invariably fail to step aside and look into them with an eye of a witness”.]
Once a businessman was in an important meeting. To avoid any disturbances, he left his personal mobile with his driver outside the office.
After a while the businessman’s mobile rang and the driver took the call. It was the voice of the businessman’s wife and she said, “Right now I am doing shopping and I am calling from the jewelry shop. I found an extremely beautiful necklace here; I have never seen such an attractive necklace anywhere else in my life. But it is too costly. However, I just didn’t feel like getting out of this jewelry shop without buying it. THe money I had brought for shopping was not adequate. So, I used the Credit Card that you had given to me and paid the bill….”
“Oh, That’s good” said the driver.
“There is something more. As I was returning home, I just dropped into the Showroom of Mercedes Benz Cars. One of their latest model cars was very appealing to me. Since I had no money, I had to sell of a portion of our company shares online and got the money. I have bought the car too…” said she.
“That’s fine” said the driver.
“Oh! My love! You had never been so loving and caring like to day. I feel really blessed that I have got such a considerate husband in my life!!” so saying she cut the phone, even before the driver could attempt to intervene and reveal to her that he was only the driver and not her husband!
After the meeting was over, the businessman came out . He asked the driver, “Was there any call on my mobile?” . The driver narrated the whole matter. By the time he finished it, his boss fell on to the ground losing consciousness!
Whether the credit card was burdened with huge amount or whether the company’s shares were sold off, it was of no matter of concern for the driver. But as for the businessman, it was a calamity.
(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)
13. Smart Broker!
Once a young man who wanted to get married sought help from a marriage broker. One day, the broker told the man about a suitable girl for him and asked him to come along with him to the house of the prospective bride to see her in person.
After seeing the girl both of them were returning. The broker asked.”Now tell me, Do you like the girl?”
The man said, “Are you mad? How do you think I will agree to marry her? Didn’t you notice that her eyesight was so bad?”
“Oh! That’s really a good thing in her. After marriage, suppose you come home late in the night, she won’t notice”.
“Not only that. She stutters while talking”.
“That too is for good. Because of this weakness, she would talk far less, unlike all other women. It is a blessing for you”.
“I also noticed that she is hard of hearing”.
“Oh!Why don’t you understand that it is indeed very advantageous to marry such a girl. She will not hear any rumours about you!”
The young man lost his patience. He shouted, “Over and above all these, she has a hunch back too!”
The broker said: “Brother, I feel pity on you. As I explained, she has so many good things in her that makes her fit to be the best wife for you; yet if you want to reject her just for a small fault like a hunchback, where on earth will you get better wife than her?”
[Amma: “Our mind is just like this broker. The mind will always try to convince our body and intellect to yield to its desires. We can never underestimate the power of our mind. But it is indeed possible for us to bring this powerful mind under our control. Discrimination and practice are essential to get control over the mind”.]
(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)
14. There is a purpose!
Once a man went for haircut to his regular barber shop. When he sat on the chair for cutting his hair, the barber said, “I happened to meet your mother in law yesterday. She was mentioning that you are possessing lots of black money”. The man got very angry when he heard this. “Did she say so? She is a wretched woman. She borrows money left and right from so many people but never repay them. It has become my burden to pay them from my pocket and yet she is talking ill of me? Lier!” his anger did not subside even after uttering these words. He kept on talking ill of her. The barber was deeply engrossed in cutting his hair during this time.
When the man came to the barber shop next time and sat in the chair ready for cutting, the barber said, “Yesterday your mother in law said to me that you are not giving a single paisa to the family”. The man got worked up again and said, “What right that Thataka has to utter such nasty lies about me? Actually it is me who takes care of all her expenses; I am the one giving money for her food and clothing…” he continued to say nasty things about his mother in law further. The barber kept him busy in cutting his hair.
When the man visited the barber the next time, the barber just started to make some comments about his mother in law once again. This time, the man stopped him and asked, “Why are you always talking about my mother in law. I don’t want to hear any more word about her”.
The barber replied, “You see, whenever I broach the subject of your mother in law, you get very angry and all your hairs stand straight; it makes cutting your hair easier for me. That’s why I talk to you about your mother in law!”
[Amma: “Our mind is just like a play toy in the hands of others. Others know what makes us angry and agitated. When somebody appreciates us, we feel elated; when somebody criticizes us, we get worked up. This way, our life is tied to the lips of others. When we get angry, jump up and create hell around us, it becomes an entertainment for the others”. ]
(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)
15. Trustworthy Husband?
[Amma: “To have amity in family life, an important factor is the capacity to listen to each other. Nowadays, nobody seems to have the patience or time to actively listen to others’ talking.”]
Once a woman was telling her friend: “Whatever secrets I tell to my husband will not get shared by him with anyone else. I am very sure about it”.
“Oh! You have got such a trustworthy husband! You must be proud of it!” Said the friend.
The woman said, “No. It is not like that. Whatever I tell my husband, he never listens to them keenly”.
(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)
16. Nothing!
Once a king visited a temple; Standing in front of the sanctum sanctorum, he prayed and finally ended his prayer saying loudly, “O God, you are everything; in front of you, I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing” saying so, he prostrated before God.
A moment later, another stray devotee, who too was standing there said, “O God, in front of you, I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing”.
Hearing it, the King got very angry, “Hey there! That was MY prayer; how dare you repeat it?”
[Amma: “This is the nature of the ego that we all have.We unknowingly become entrapped in its net.”]
(From Amma’s Vishu message 15/4/2022)
In the play there was a scene where an old, lame beggar was walking in the rain. He was hungry and cold. He comes in front of a shop and decides to sleep at the entrance steps of the shop. The shop-owner is just shutting his shop and as he notices the beggar, he chases him away. 
The drunkard shouted angrily, “Oh God! What are you doing to me? Are you laughing at me? You made me trip and fall into this pit and you are also taking a photograph of it! Don’t dare to play such jokes at me”
“We are sorry that we overlooked a typo error in the book title. Instead of ‘Changing your life in 30 days’, we had printed the title as ‘Changing your wife in 30 days‘. Don’t worry, we are correcting it and releasing the fresh prints in the market.”
One lion noticing this intruder questioned: “Hey! Mouse! How dare you come and dance along with the lions?”
But the rope too was old and weak. it gradually and slowly started getting torn, as it could not bear the weight of four people. If only one of them could jump into the water, at least the rest can hang on and also manage to climb up. They started discussing this matter amid themselves. All of them felt that it was indeed essential that one among them should come forward to jump into water. Since there were three men, they felt unanimously that it would be better to sacrifice the woman so that they can escape. With that intent, they eagerly looked at the woman expecting her to do the plunge.
Once it was over, it was time to start cooking lunch. Suddenly it started raining. She had to rush out to gather the dresses hung outside in the open, bring them in and spread them for drying in the clothe lines inside the house. It was now evening and the children returned from school. She gave them snacks and milk and sat with them to do their homework. By that time, the husband returned from office; she had to serve him biscuits and tea.
The second disciple said, “Cool down brother! Why do you get excited so much? I am the atman residing in every being. Have you not read the scriptures properly. What does Lord Krishna say in Bhagavad Gita 15.14 — “Aham vaishvanaro bhutva, praninam dehamashritah…….” What does it mean? ‘I, becoming the subtle fire called Vaishvanara, in association with prana and apana vayus, digest all the four types of food’. That is precisely what happened. Don’t get agitated!”
“How?” asked the other boy.
“We put the luggage back on the horse back and continued with our journey. After a couple of hours, the donkey tripped over a stone and fell down again. My husband got extremely angry. He caught hold of both of its ears, twisted them and said, “I had already told you that you must be careful. This is my second warning to you”….
The visitor who was all along standing there with humility said, “Excuse me sir; I have come from the telephone department. This phone-set was provided afresh here yesterday; I have now come to give connection to it!”
He broached the subject to the woman saying, “I have a daughter to be married off. It looks your son will be a right match for her; will you be interested in taking some steps on this matter?”
Once a group of modern girls were discussing about marriage and their ideas about an ideal husband.
Once a passerby noticed an old man sitting on a swing at the front yard of a house and joyfully swaying in the swing. He was so surprised to see the old man’s healthy looks that he wanted to know the secret. He went close to the old man and asked, “Sir, what is the secret of your good health?”
All of a sudden, a huge lion jumped onto their path. The two photographers shook with fear.
This website has been conceived and being developed by C.V.Rajan. He is a retired Engineer and an ex-design consultant, now living with his wife in Ashram at Amritapuri, Kerala, spending his retired life in quest of spirituality under the holy feet of Amma, Satguru Mata Amritanandamayi.