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Humorous stories from Amma – Part 7 ( 19 more stories)

There is no dearth of fun and frolic in the company of a Mahatma like Amma. Amma narrates several humorous and funny stories that carry spiritual wisdom. Here are  more such little stories:

(If you have not read the previous 15 stories in this series, please click here —> Part 6 (Humorous stories from Amma)

1. Exploiting the poor?!

Once a beggar went to a house for begging. It was one such house where the beggar had been receiving alms across several years. That day the householder gave him ten rupees. The beggar got angry and said to the householder: “In early days you used to give me hundred rupees once in a month; afterwards you reduced it to fifty rupees a month; then it turned out to be twenty five rupees in later periods. Now you are giving me a paltry ten Rupees. Is it not very unfair?”

The householder replied to him patiently: “When I was giving you, I was a bachelor and at that time I could afford to give you so much. Later I got married and my wife was not employed. That’s why I reduced the amount to fifty rupees. Later I had a child and naturally my family expenses increased considerably. At that point of time, I reduced the amount to twenty five rupees.  Now I have got a second child too.  Now, in reality, I have no money to spend. However, since I felt I should not send you back empty-handed, I somehow managed to give you ten Rupees”.

Hearing this, the beggar shouted angrily, “So, you are running your family using MY money?”

 [Amma: “In this story, instead of receiving the money given as charity with a sense of gratitude, the beggar reacts as if it is his birthright! We too may behave like this in many situations in life. All our dealings with Nature, family members, friends and fellow human beings too are many times like this done with utter selfishness. Instead of being thankful we behave as if we are rightfully entailed to demand and receive our cut.”]

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Vol 2)

2. Sound sense!

Once a boy came to the school without doing his homework.  The teacher asked him why he had not done it.

The boy said, “I could not concentrate and do my homework because of lots of noise in my house, Sir?”

“What is the reason for the noise?” asked the teacher.

“Well, the TV was continuously on and the noise from it kept on disturbing me from doing my homework”.

“You could have asked others to tone down the volume or switch off the TV till you finished your homework. Why  didn’t you do it?”

“Nobody will listen if I say so” said the boy.

“Why? Why not?”

“There was no one except me in the house, Sir” said the boy sheepishly.

(From Amma’s Ramayana Month Satsang – 25/7/2020)

3. Hence proved!

Once a man was frequently getting severe headache. As he could not get any relief from off the shelf medicines, he decided to consult a doctor.  The doctor prescribed a brain scan.

When he met the doctor with the scan report, the doctors’ face turned grim. “I am sorry to say this, but you have to face the reality. You have a large tumor in your brain and in all likelihood, it is cancerous too. You have to undergo a major brain surgery without delay. Else your life is under threat”.

Hearing this the man’ face brightened up. “Are you sure the tumor is in my brain?” he asked. “Yes, of course” said the doctor. The man threw up his hands and laughed heartily. The doctor was surprised.

“Why are you laughing, man? I am telling you that it is life threatening and you are taking it so casually?”

“Naturally doctor. You have given me a proof now for me to show to my wife. All these years, she has been humiliating me saying that I have no brain and she would never listen to whatever I say!”.

 [Amma: “For some people, pampering their ego is more important than their very life.”]

(From Amma’s Ramayana Month Satsang – 2/8/2020)

4. Hearty prayer!

Once a couple went to pray in the temple on their Marriage Day.

After the worship, as they came out of the temple, the husband asked his wife: “What did you pray for?”

The wife said, “I prayed to God that I should remain your wife in all our future births. Well; What did you pray for?”

The husband was silent for a moment and said, “I prayed to God not to give me any more births”.

(From Amma’s Ramayana Month Satsang – 2/8/2020)

5. Better recourse!

Once a man was having a psychosomatic problem. He could not sleep in the night because of a strong mental perception he had. He believed that some stranger was hiding under his cot every night. However he tried to brush the thought aside, he could not overcome that unfounded fear.

He decided to consult a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist after examining and interviewing him, said, “I can definitely cure you of this problem. But it requires a prolonged treatment. You have to have a counselling session with me once a week for at least 4 to 6 months. At the end of it, you will get totally freed from the fear and gain a sound sleep at night.”

The man said, “I will think over it and come back to you shortly”.

The doctor’s consultation fee was about Rs 1000 per session. It meant that the man had to spend Rs 16000 or more for his treatment. It was clear to him that he could not afford it. He was frantic so look for an alternative solution.

The patient never came back. The psychiatrist happened to see him at a restaurant some weeks after they had met. He asked, “What happened? Why didn’t you come for the treatment? How is your condition now?”

The man said, “Oh! I got totally cured within 4,5 days through an alternative treatment, doctor. Thank God. There was no need for any any prolonged treatment!”

“How was it possible? Which doctor cured you?” asked the curious psychiatrist.

The man said, “Frankly speaking, I did a calculation on how much I should spend on you for the treatment. It was far beyond my means. So, I called the local carpenter, paid him 100 rupees to cut off all the four legs of my cot. So, with no space under my cot, no one can come and lie under it, right? From that day onwards, I am sleeping peacefully, doctor!”

(From Amma’s Ramayana Month Satsang – 2/8/2020)

6. What did I forget?

Once there lived a farmer who was extremely busy most of the times. On account of it, he used to forget many things that he wanted to do in a day. He decided to have some way to remind him of things to do.

Before going to bed one night, he took a piece of paper and a set of color sketch pens. He decided to draw lines in different colors to remind him of things to do on the next day. He thought well and drew seven lines in seven colors, each line representing one thing he must do – like a rainbow.

He got up early in the morning; remembering something he missed out, he drew an eighth line in the paper. Thus he had 8 different tasks to accomplish that day.

The first line was to remind him that he should brush his teeth, take bath, have his breakfast, lunch etc at appropriate times.

The second color line was to remind him to take his dog for a walk in the morning.  He did it.

The third color line was to remind him that he should apply fertilizer to his crop and also water them. He accomplished it.

The fourth line was to remind him to go to marketplace and buy things for his domestic needs. He finished it.

The fifth line was to remind him to give fodder and water to his cattle. He did it.

The sixth one was to take his car to the garage for a repair. He finished it.

The seventh one was to make the payment for the electricity bill. He finished it too.

Only the eighth one was pending.  He tried to remember what task it was but he could not remember it. It was night by now. He thought deeply again and again to remember what he wanted to accomplish by that eight line, but his memory failed him completely. He knew it was a very important one and that was why he added it as the last one early in the morning. He became tensed. He could not sleep. He got up from bed and walked here and there trying to bring back his memory but he could not. He lost his sleep. At last, he remembered almost by dawn the next morning.

The eighth reminder was that he should go to bed early and sleep well, which was his doctor’s specific advice to him!

 [Amma: “We too forget our goal of life like this. The very purpose of human life is to attain God. It is the only changeless purpose. But we all forget this and go behind changing things. We want to stop certain changes from happening. Because of this tendency, we are constantly under tension. On the contrary, if we set our goal on the changeless — the God, then no change ever affect us.”]

(From Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Part 2)

7. Can’t open!

Once a young man went to his village chief with a complaint about his family members; he wanted his intervention to set right matters.

He complained: “Sir, I am staying in a small room in my home; that room is stinking. This room is occupied by the pet dogs of my elder brother;  another brother has a few cats in it. My sister has a couple of rabbits in the room which are her pets. My mother has a couple of goats.  The room is horrible and dirty. I cannot breath any fresh air. If only you could do something I will be thankful to you. I am longing for a breath of fresh air!”

The village chief asked, “Don’t you have a window in your room?”

“Yes! there is a window; but it is kept closed”.

“Why don’t you, open it to get fresh air?”

“No I can’t. If I open the window, my pet pigeons will fly away!”

 [Amma: “This is how most of us behave when it comes to finding fault with others and complaining about them. We never recognize our own faults and limitations”.]

8. Easy role!

Once in a community, people wanted to celebrate Onam with several entertainment programs. A drama on Krishna Lila was  planned. A man was extremely interested in acting and he gave his name to the troup. He was very excited about it and was discussing with his wife as to what role he should take up in the drama.

His wife said, “If people offer you the role of Krishna, don’t take it up. It will be extremely difficult for you to act in that role and you have to put lots of efforts.  But if Kamsa’s role is available, take it immediately. It will suit you the best and you will need little effort to shine in that role!’

 

(From Amma’s Onam Satsang 31/8/2020)

9. Elevated state!

Once a drunkard got heavily drunk on a Onam day. He said to his friend, “You know, when I am drunk, I become same as Mahabali”

“How?” asked his friend.

“When I am drunk, I treat everyone equal — rich man – poor man, big man — small man; I don’t differentiate. Also when I am drunk. I speak only the truth.  Mahabali too did the same. Right?”

(From Amma’s Onam Satsang 31/8/2020)

10. Extrapolation!

 [Amma: “Our mind is always  full of thoughts. Our thoughts don’t stop even during our sleep many times.  The very nature of the mind is to keep brooding over the past happenings or keep worrying about future happenings.”]

Once a middle aged person was travelling in a train. A young man sitting next to him, asked “Sir, what is the time?”

The middle aged man said, “Shut up”. Noticing this, a man sitting next to him said, “Why are you getting so angry? After all he just asked what the time is!”

The man started to give a lecture: “He asked, alright; Suppose I tell him the time, what will happen next? He will then start talking about the climate. Then he will start discussing current affairs in the news paper. Then he will start talking about politics with me.  Then he will ask about my family members. It may lead to my asking about his family details. Once we talk so much and get to know about each other in so much in detail, I may have to invite him to my home out of courtesy, when I get down. Perhaps he would visit my house and who knows, he may even stay with us for a day! I have a beautiful daughter at home. What if she falls in love with this fellow? Or this fellow may fall in love with her.  If  situation comes to that, I will never agree to get my daughter married to a person who can’t even afford to have his own watch!  To avoid all these eventualities, I said ‘shut up’ and closed the chapter once for all!”

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Part 1)

11. Sunken hopes!

Once two friends were talking. One of them said, “I heard you have started drinking nowadays. What is the reason?”

The other said, “I have been facing lots of problems in life. I am trying to kill all my problems by sinking them in alcohol!”.

“Have you succeeded in your effort?”

“No, dear friend. All my problems have learned to swim in the alcohol and they could not be drowned”.

(Source: Amritam Gamaya – Malayalam – Part 1)

12. One last hope!

 Once a farmer had a donkey and a dog in his farm house. While the dog, being a loving pet, got all the care and cuddling from the farmer, the donkey was not so fortunate. The farmer always thought that his donkey was slow, lazy and was not working hard. He hated it. He did not feed it enough and used to beat it often.  The donkey was constantly suffering. Taking pity on it, the dog once said to the donkey,” Why are you patiently bearing all the torture being meted out to you? Why don’t you run away from here and find a better course of life for you?’

The donkey said, “You are indeed right about my unbearable suffering. I have just one last hope here and that’s why I continue to stay here”.

“What is it?” asked the dog.

One day I happened to overhear the farmer talking to his daughter. You know his daughter is lazy and does not help her mother in the kitchen. She does not study well too. The other day he was telling his daughter, “If you are so lazy, who will ever marry you? I think I will have to marry you  off to our donkey only”. So, I am hoping that one day or other I will get married to the farmer’s daughter; once I become his son-in-law, then my life will be cozy; he will not ill treat me anymore. Right?”

[Amma: “Worldly life invariably gives us only pain and suffering. Yet, people always live with the hope that life would turn to be better and enjoyable at some time in future and continue to live with hope”.]

13. Modern technology!

 Once a ship in which a rich businessman travelled got into mechanical trouble. The ship was forced to reach the shores of a remote island, where the population consisted of simple rural people who were far cut off from the rest of the technologically advanced civilization in the world.

The island people were very kind hearted. A family consisting of a father, mother and son volunteered to take care of the businessman and offered him fruits, simple food and shelter till the ship got somehow repaired.

The businessman was overwhelmed with gratitude to the family that took good care of him. He wanted them to come with him to his country as tourists to see how other advanced countries looked like. The family gladly agreed. The business men thus took him to his country and offered them good hospitality. He engaged his personal secretary to take them around the city for sightseeing and other entertainments.

The visitors were wonderstruck to look around the city. The secretary took them to theatre show. It was a grand show in which all the great film stars, musicians and other performing artists participated. The program was scheduled to be conducted at the 24th floor of a multistoried building.

The secretary took the visitors near the elevator. He asked them to wait there and said he would return in a few minutes and then take them to the program venue.

The visiting family was looking all around with wonder. At that time, they noticed that a very old lady with wrinkled skin and sick looks was brought there in a wheelchair.  The attendant who came with the lady pressed a button on the wall. After a while, the wall split open. The old lady in wheelchair was taken into a small chamber inside the wall and the wall closed immediately.

The visitors saw some arrow symbols blinking on the wall. One upward arrow got lit. After some time, they noticed that the downward arrow started blinking. After a while, they were surprised to see the wall splitting open again. This time, a very young and attractive girl in her twenties came out from the chamber in the wall and went out.

The father from the island was wonder struck and over awed!  He shouted to his son immediately, “Hey! You take your mother immediately into this chamber! I never knew such wonders are possible in this part of earth! I too love to convert your mother to be a young and beautiful girl  in her twenties!”

[Amma: “People of present days expect all wonderful things to happen magically in life”.]

(from Amma’s 67th birthday satsang 27/09/2020)

14. Order what!

Once a lawsuit was filed against a man for a crime he had committed. He received a summon to appear in the court. It was the first time in his life that the man was attending any court proceeding. The man came and stood in front of the judge for inquiry. As there was some commotion in the gathering, the judge knocked his gavel on the table and said in a loud voice”Order, Order!”

The man immediately said, “Two masala dosas, two vadas and one filter coffee!”

Presently, the man is behind the gallows and still awaiting the arrival of masala dosas and the rest!

[Amma: “This is our world! Even when people are about to face the dark and hopeless situations in their life, somehow they expect masala dosas and coffee to be served to them! They do not wish to emerge from the darkness into the world of light and freedom.”]

(from Amma’s 67th birthday satsang 27/09/2020)

 

15. Quick fix methods!

Once a obese man was frantically looking for ways to reduce his weight. He wanted some shortcut methods to achieve his intention. He was going through various advertisements offering short term solutions to reduce his weight.

He was impressed by an advertisement that offered a 30-day “deluxe” package to reduce his weight. He paid the prescribed fees and joined the program. 

When the program started, an extremely beautiful girl was introduced. The trainer announced “This girl is a good runner. If any of you can run and catch her, you can possess the girl at the end of the 30-day program”.  The offer was extremely attractive to the obese man. It was so with many others who had joined the program. 

Once the whistle was blown, the girl started running. All the participants started chasing her. After running behind her in vain for several minutes, the participants got exhausted. The coordinator  came and announced : “We will repeat this process thrice a day. This is our program package and the weight loss regimen that you will follow for the next 30 days”. 

Several days passed. No one could catch the girl. The obese man felt thoroughly exhausted and tired. He felt that this program was just not suitable for him.

“Is there any alternative program for me to choose?” He asked the coordinator.

The coordinator said, “Yes! We have s super-deluxe weight loss program that lasts only for 15 days”.

The obese man opted to switch over it by paying the additional fees.

When the program started, an extremely ugly woman was brought to the stage.   The coordinator announced, “In this package, this woman will run to catch you. If she catches you she will possess you. If you don’t like her, it is up to you to run fast and escape from her!”

[Amma: “This is precisely the state of affairs with our likes and dislikes in life. If we madly keep running behind our likes, we get very exhausted without achieving what we liked. On the contrary, if we run away from our dislikes without the courage to face them, we get equally exhausted in our lives!” ]

(from Amma’s 67th birthday satsang 27/09/2020)

16. Jolly good trip ?  (Version 1)

Once a husband and wife were sleeping in their open courtyard on a cot. Suddenly a tornado hit the locality. It sucked the couple along with the cot and threw them at some hundred kilometers away. Very surprisingly, they landed safely without any injuries. 

The wife started sobbing uncontrollably. The husband consoled her saying, “Why are you crying? See, we are so fortunate that we have landed without even a scratch on our body. There is no reason to cry!”

The wife said, “I am not crying out of sadness. I am crying out of joy, really”

“What is there to feel so happy?” asked the husband.

She said, “Across so many years of our married life, this is the first journey to a distant place that we both have travelled together! That made me so happy and I started crying!”

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil Vol 2)

17. Jolly good trip ?  (Version 2)

Once a husband and wife were sleeping in their open courtyard on a cot, hugging each other. Suddenly a tornado hit the locality. It sucked the couple along with the cot and threw them at some hundred kilometers away. The couple were hugging each other tightly out of fear, when this was happening. Very surprisingly, they landed safely without any injuries. 

The wife started laughing aloud and so was the husband.

The husband asked , “Why are you laughing?”

The wife said, “We have travelled together in the past to many places; but we would always be  arguing or fighting with each other on some issue or other. This is the first time in life that we have travelled together hugging each other! As I thought of it, I could not control my laugh. Now tell me why you laughed.”

“I too thought of the same thing!” said the husband.

(From Amma’s Vijayadasami satsang 25/10/2020)

18.  Your ‘chai’ce please?

[Amma: “Nowadays we have plenty of  information, but we do not know the nature of the world. We have umpteen choices to improve our life’s comforts. Changes are happening all around, but there are certain fundamental needs that don’t change.”]

Once an Indian, a simpleton by nature,  went to USA upon invitation. He was given a luxurious accommodation. The lady in charge of receiving him and taking care of his needs, asked him, “Would you like to have something to drink?”

The man was indeed longing to have a cup of tea and he said gladly, “Yes, a cup of tea please!”

The lady asked “Would you prefer tea with caffeine or without? Would you like to add ginger?”

The simple man had all along been used to have simple tea and he never knew about these options. Why is this lady asking such questions? “A simple tea is good enough” he said.

The lady left and returned within a minute. “Excuse me, would you like to have tea with sugar or without sugar? Would you want herbal tea?”

The man was losing his patience. “Just a simple tea” he said curtly.

The lady continued: “Tea with milk or without milk? If you want with milk do you want it with fat or free from fat? What percentage of fat would be okay for you?”

The man got exasperated. “Stop. I don’t want any tea. Please just bring me a glass of water to drink”.

The lady asked, “Do you want mineral water or spring water? Should it be a filtered water? Hot or cold?”

The man lost all his patience. He went inside and drank a mug of water right from the washbasin tap!

(Source: Oliyai Nokki – Tamil – Vol 2)

19. Not for us! 

[Amma: “Nowadays children are turning out to be very adamant and disobedient. Parents are increasingly finding it difficult to discipline their children.”]

In a family, there were three children who were very adamant by nature and disobedient to parents.  The mother tried her best always to discipline them by various means.  One night, she called her children to the dining table for  dinner. It was a particularly tiring day for her in disciplining the children and she thought she could teach a tough lesson to them that day in the dining table.

When the children gathered there, they were too happy to see their most favourite food — Pizza kept ready on the table. They jumped in joy.

But the mother said in a stern voice: “We have pizza alright, but it will be given only to those who are obedient to me, have some fear on me and be willing to listen to my instructions and advice and obey without fighting or objecting. Now tell me who is going to come forward and eat the pizza?”

The children looked at each others face. They shook their heads in disappointment.

The eldest one said, “Look guys, it’s quite obvious. Mummy has already decided that this pizza is only meant for daddy and not for us. Let’s vacate this place”. So saying all the three children tromped out!

(From Amma’s Vijayadasami satsang 25/10/2020)