Narmada Parikrama – Book Review: Walking With the Immortals

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Do you know which is the longest river in India that flows from east to west? Do you know which river is considered holier than Ganga? Have you ever heard that Ganga Mata (The deity of the holy river Ganga) visits this river to take a bath once a year to get rid of all the sins that she has accumulated from those who bathe in her?

It is the river Narmada, that originates in Amarkantak (in Madhya Pradesh), flows westwards through 3 states (Madhyapradesh, Maharashtra and Gujarat) and ends in Arabian sea, covering a running distance of 1312 kilometres.

A Tamilian undertakes Narmada Parikrama

It may be quite a surprising piece of information for most of Indians (except for the people who are blessed to live in the nearby areas of the banks of Narmada) that there is a very age old spiritual custom practiced across countless generations — of circumambulating this holy river by walk (known as Narmada Parikrama). Many people living in the banks of Narmada do it matter-of-factly and many nurture a desire to do the parikrama at least once in their life time.

How about a Tamilian from Chennai, a retired Military officer (Captain) cum social worker, undertaking this massive journey (which is traditionally done over a period of 3 years, 3 months and 13 days) bare-footed, without carrying money, eating food through alms and completing it successfully just in 131 days covering a total distance of 2528 Kilometres by walk?

That’s the thrilling experience offered to you by Captain K K Venkatraman (ex- coordinator, Vivekananda Kendra, Arunachal Pradesh) through his book Walking with the Immortals.

An interesting element of this book is that it has been very recently published in English after a passage of 27 years when Captain Venkatraman actually undertook the parikrama (in 1987-1988)!

The Origin of holy river Narmada at Amarkantak. The Parikrama begins here

The English and Tamil Versions

Actually, Captain Venkatraman’s parikrama experiences were originally serialized in Tamil (translated from his English version) in the Spiritual Magazine Ramakrishna Vijayam (published by Sri Ramakrishna Math, Chennai) during the year 2007 and it was subsequently published in book form in Tamil by RK Math in 2013.

This original English publication (First print: Feb 2015) contains more elaborate details of his journey, route maps, copies of letters he received from his well wishers etc. This publication from Vivekananda Trust, Wakro, Arunachal Pradesh is a sort of “thanks giving” gift by the alumni of Vivekananda Kendra Vidyalayas of Arunachal Pradesh, to their beloved “Captainji” for all that he did as a teacher and guide for their welfare decades ago.

The book and the writer – The photo of Captain Venkatraman taken just as he completed the parikrama (1988).

Thrilling experiences

As one reads this book, one is bound to get hooked to it for several reasons; the prime among them is the unfolding of the divine grace that comes in abundance for the welfare of a person who sacrifices all the worldly comforts, takes up the dharma of a sanyasi (renunciate) and goes about walking around the banks of the river with total faith and surrender to Mother Narmada.

Next comes the various emotional experiences of the traveler (love and affection of the village people, their respect and the care on the parikramavasis, their generosity in offering food and their reverence in Mother Narmada despite poverty and so on). You will also find the traveler’s interesting encounters with robbers, a fake Sadhu, adhivasis and a host of interesting people from the richest to the poorest.

Another striking aspect that one cannot miss while reading this book is the sheer meticulousness of Captain Venkatraman, coupled with self discipline and determination so reflective of his military training; these qualities are in addition to his innate humility, simplicity, friendliness and thankfulness that you cannot miss grasping while reading the book.

His thorough planning and consultations before undertaking the journey, his ingenious ways of maintaining postal communication with his near and dear ones as well as with people on the route of parikrama (remember: those were the days of no cell phone), his systematic diary writing (to record the places he visited and the names of persons he met) has helped him to trigger and recollect all the happenings in his long journey and reproduce them afresh from his memory as if they were happenings of yesterday) etc are so striking that they can become valuable lessons for the readers to admire and imbibe.

Why is this title “Walking with Immortals”?

There is a firm belief that all the Chiranjivis (immortals as per Hindu puranas) viz. Parasurama, Hanuman, Vibhishana, Ashwathama, Mahabali, Kripacharya and Vyasa are continuously doing the Narmada Parikrama and protecting the Parikramavasis. (Hence the title of the book — “Walking with the Immortals”)

About his experiences, Venkatraman concludes: “It is really a great joy to me, even today, after the lapse of more than 25 years, to share my parikrama experiences, as it provides me an opportunity to relive the most useful and joyous moments I have ever had till now”.

When we finish reading this book, we too are bound to share the joy of Captainji’s labor of love.

Details about the book:

  • Book Title: Walking with the Immortals – The Narmada Parikrama
  • Author: (Captain) K K Venkatraman
  • Published by: Vivekananda Trust, Wakro (792 104) Arunachal Pradesh
  • No. of pages: 160 (3rd edition)
  • Price: Rs. 150.-
  • For copies, contact:
    Author: [email protected] (Mobile: 094455 61454) (Chennai, India).

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Monogamy – Is it nature or nurtured?

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It really appears that God has created men with some undue advantages and privileges over women. Perhaps on account of this advantageous position, the basic mental and physical tendency of a man is polygamous; on the other hand, due to the physical and mental nature of women, they tend to be more monogamous. Thus there lies a natural phenomenon that leads one to subscribe that monogamy in a woman is her “nature” and in a man it develops by “nurturing”.

Motherhood and monogamy in woman

God seems to have created every woman with the intention of making her life wholesome essentially through her motherhood. This motherly instinct is deeply etched in every female species, including the animal kingdom. Amidst human beings, even the life of a nymphomaniac undergoes a metamorphosis, both physiologically and emotionally, once she gives birth to a baby. The inexplicable bond of love that a woman develops with her baby, and the desire to protect and nurture her child calls for an emotional attachment towards the man who was the cause of the arrival of the child.

Through her love and care a woman nurtures monogamous commitment in man.

Through her love and care a woman nurtures monogamous commitment in man.

In a woman, God seems to have made this emotional bonding with her man, and her sense of loyalty associated with it very strong indeed. Added to this natural phenomenon, there exist the moral and ethical standards imposed by the society on women. The society as a whole imposes (or expects) the morality of monogamy in a woman. It cannot simply be brushed aside accusing that it is males’ scheme of things to subjugate women this way. No woman possessing basic moral values ever respects a woman who practices polygamy. It is not again because of traditional moral conditioning, but because, deep within her psyche, every woman seems to feel comfortable and peaceful with having just one man as the father of her children.

It is true that in the present day scheme of things where marital discords and divorces have become too common, a woman may bear the children of more than one father one marriage after another (what is now called serial monogamy) , but definitely the society would not easily accept a woman having more than one sexual partner simultaneously.

There is nothing like natural fatherly instinct!

There is nothing like natural fatherly instinct!

Thus along with motherhood, God appears to have given a woman a far deeper sense of responsibility towards her children and the need to ensure their respectability in the society; that respectability can be ensured by her only by declaring boldly, without any sense of guilt, who their singular father is.

A woman’s psyche, by nature, is haunted by a high degree of guilt and consequent emotional turmoil, if she were to become polygamous by her adventurism, omissions or commissions.

A man can sow seeds everywhere

Contrary to all the above, think of a man’s physical and emotional constitution. Man’s life is NOT built physically and mentally around fatherhood. When a woman produces just one egg in her womb per month that has the potential to become a child, a man produces billions and billions of sperms in every ejaculation, which he is capable of releasing every day. A man, like a tree or a plant, produces far in excess of seeds than that can create a new life. Why is it so? It leads us to believe that it is purely God’s scheme of things that it be so.

This excess and natural production of seeds tempt a man to sow them at wider and and newer fields, and he is not haunted by any emotional sense of guilt as strongly as women are. That’s why there is lot of scope to conclude that God has not created men to be monogamous strictly; He has given him the freedom to play as he likes and face the physical and emotional consequences of practicing such an unbridled freedom (Eg. AIDS) , or to restrain himself by accepting moral and spiritual responsibility towards a single woman.

Enforcing monogamy through womanly love and care

God has also given, in a very poetic way, some strong capabilities to woman to keep her man bonded and hooked to her without going astray. Yes. It is the power of woman’s overpowering love, possessiveness and the physical bonding she weaves around a man. It is this beautiful characteristic of woman that attracts and binds a man to one woman. A woman’s way of showing love to her man, the way she goes about satisfying his needs and nurturing him, the way she displays extraordinary motherly characteristics to their children, and the extent of sacrifice a women does to do her divinely role of playing the unselfish motherhood — all these create an awe in a man on his wife.

Loving, nurturing, caring, accepting man’s dominance, accepting a man’s many idiosyncrasies and still tolerating and supporting him — all these things are done by women just as a barter deal to ensure men of predominantly polygamous tendencies to remain monogamous. Thus a woman plays her role naturally to nurture monogamous tendencies in a man.

An essentially polygamous man can be tamed and turned monogamous only through the unique strengths, well founded on femininity, as endowed to a woman by God. When women forget to grasp this simple fact, they end up fighting for equality and entangle themselves into more and more emotional turmoil.

If a man, despite his natural and inborn tendency, opts to live monogamous, he is definitely elevating himself spiritually. By nurturing this quality, he may lose some thrills and fun in life, but he gains love, physical well being, mental peace and tranquility in the bargain. On the contrary, if a woman tends to become polygamous, she is going against her basic monogamous nature and thus tend to acquire lowly animal qualities. As women are more of emotional creatures than men, a fallen woman suffers a lot more emotionally than a fallen man.

Such of those women who want equality with men in all respects — women who want to shun their traditional role and monogamous nature and compete with men in all spheres including the domain of loosened moralities, are woefully ignorant of this elementary fact, and the price they pay for it in their physical and mental plane is really too stiff.

The suffering of a family or a society is much more when a woman goes astray, than when a man goes astray. This is not an area where woman should try for equality with men. If they do, not only do they bring themselves to ruin, but also cause a severe damage to the balance of the society at large.

Monogamy & Polygamy – Potent Lessons from Indian Mythology

Lord Rama, the most adored male Monogamist

Sita Rama — the monogamous and ideal husband.

In the grand Hindu Epic Ramayana, the King Rama practiced monogamy as a matter of great virtue, despite the fact that it was quite a common norm those days that Kings had multiple wives. Rama’s father Dasaratha had three queens and other 60 concubines in his palace and Lord Rama never took it as an example to follow for his personal life. With such a great virtue, Rama is being adored as the ideal husband, despite the fact that he got himself separated from his dear wife Sita and sent her to forest in order to uphold his adherence to dharma as a ruler.

Draupadi, the much condemned woman polygamist

On the contrary, in the other grand Hindu epic Mahabharata, the 5 pandavas, who were considered sticklers to dharma, got infatuated by the overpowering beauty of Draupadi; they opted to marry her as a common wife of all the five, despite the fact that it was only Arjuna who won her by his archery skills at te swayamvara of Draupadi. There are explanations and justifications given in Mahabharata for this deviant act, but the fact remains that Draupadi accepted this proposition without protest; it was quite a blasphemous act, even considering the fact that the morality of the ruling class was at its lowest ebb during Mahabharata period.

Only Lord Krishna could come to the rescue of polygamist Draupati.

A scene from Mahabharata – Draupati being disrobed by Duschatana in front of her 5 husbands. Only Lord Krishna could come to the rescue of polygamist Draupati.

This act against the social norm practiced by Draupati and Pandavas can be taken as one of the covert causes of the many hardships faced by the Pandavas in their lives. The total lack of empathy towards their cause by the Kauravas and the utter disrespect meted out to them by kauravas becomes very obvious when Pandavas lost everything to Kauravas while playing the dice game. Draupadi was singled out and utterly humiliated by Karna as he was openly laughing at Draupati, calling her a whore that married 5 men and she could very well come and sit on his lap too.

It should be noted that though Pandavas won the war, none of their their children given birth by Draupadi was alive to rule the kingdom later.

 

 

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How to age with dignity

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When you meet an elderly citizen who is quite known to you, what sort of feeling do you develop at the back of your mind? Is it a sense of respect or one of disgust? Do you feel humble while talking to him not because “he /she is aged and hence needs to be shown respect” but because you really feel that way in front of him/her?

Our reaction ultimately boils down to one simple fact – how dignified the old person is in his/her demeanor.

Dignified or a laughing stock?

In Indian traditional wisdom, it is said that as a person becomes older and older, the one characteristic he/she should develop more and more is detachment. This detachment covers physical, emotional, intellectual and social bondages. Further, attachment to the world should get converted to attachment towards God. The more one ages developing these qualities, the more dignified he/she becomes.

In the above light, we shall now see how to develop the qualities for aging with dignity:

Do not attempt to look younger than your age

Such advice may shock many women in the west, because the desire to look young and sexy far beyond youth seems to preoccupy the minds of many women (and some men, too). Remaining healthy, physically fit and fighting against obesity are fine and necessary, but fighting against normal graying of hair, wrinkles on the face, propping up the breasts by women through plastic surgery, etc. are quite unnecessary.

Behave decently with the opposite sex

 

Whatever a woman does to look far younger than her true age mostly never cuts ice in the eyes of men. When such woman tries to look sexier too, they totally lose their dignity and even become laughing stocks.

The same applies to some older men who shamelessly ogle young girls and try valiantly to come down to their levels and behave like a dog-in-heat to impress them!

A father of a girl of twenty should a display fatherly demeanor with his daughter’s friends, even though his innate and not-yet-subdued sexual urges may tempt him to behave more like a man getting attracted towards the opposite sex.

Get rid of possessiveness over children

Western society seems to be better developed with this quality than eastern society as seen in India. While parents should watch their children till they are in their teen age and be highly responsible for their conduct and character, parents should gracefully loosen their grip on their children once they become adults. Beyond that stage, their relationship with the children should become more like a trustworthy friend.

A mother’s attachment towards her children generally continues to remain strong in the emotional plane even far beyond the children’s teen age. Possessiveness is a negative force that stealthily remains attached behind a mother’s love and many times this possessiveness has a tendency to affect good conjugal relationship of her children with their spouses.

To age with dignity, parents should carefully watch their possessive mindset and allow their children to chart their course in life fairly independently once they start earning. At the same time, they need not resign from acting as a confidant and guide when the offspring seek help and support.

Parents who rejoice seeing their sons and daughters leading happy married lives and ensure excellent relationship with their son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws and their parents, too, look highly dignified in the eyes of society.

Retire gracefully

A person normally achieves most of things in life – good status in society, power and position in his/her profession, enjoying goodies, comforts and authority by the time he/she reaches the age of retirement. But, many people dread retirement because they are too attached to all these and afraid of losing their self-importance after retirement.

But the very concept of retirement has been necessary in society because the younger generation should have the opportunity to achieve higher positions and the aged ones do tend to get slack, inefficient and out of synch with modern trends in technology and lifestyle. Those who refuse to retire gracefully lose respect from the younger generation.

Retiring gracefully and charting a new, purposeful and satisfying lifestyle after retirement goes a long way in aging with dignity.

Be financially self-supporting and independent

By the time one retires, a person should be totally free from debt, should have built up enough savings and resources for supporting oneself and spouse for the rest of old age. Simplifying lifestyle, changing and economizing spending habits, etc. are to be cultivated consciously. Elders who leave debts to their children and who have to totally depend on their children’s money for their sustenance will not be able to lead a dignified life at old age.

Be health conscious but do not make a fetish about health

By proper food control, exercise and self discipline, elders should take care of their health very well. Children naturally frown at elders who keep complaining about their health. Some elders tend to read too much of literature about diseases and their symptoms and they tend to imagine existence of such ailments in their bodies.

Some elders tend to exaggerate their ill health and love visiting doctors and gobbling up medicines; they use real or imagined ailments to gain sympathy from their offspring. Such tendencies are obviously detrimental to aging with dignity.

Don’t be a bore

One of the despicable qualities in most of the elders is their pride in past laurels – real or imagined. The moment a hapless visitor greets them, they would like to catch him as a prey to talk endlessly about their past, the achievements they made, the adoration they received and the respect they commanded.

Virtually every old person believes that the world was so good and great in yester years and everything has changed topsy-turvy in the present generation. Many old persons never get tired of fining fault with others. Old persons feel they are qualified for giving unsolicited advice and the younger generation takes to their heels upon encountering such persons.

Obviously, any old person who talks less about himself/herself but is an avid listener to the younger generation gets respect and love from them.

Contribute to social welfare

The post-retirement period is best for reformatting your lifestyle and making it tuned more toward the welfare of society. By taking part in church/ temple oriented spiritual activities or by associating oneself with non-governmental philanthropic activities, a retired person can spend his time and energy fruitfully for the welfare of society.

Develop detachment

This is one sterling and singular quality that makes an old person respectable to everyone. As you grow older, detach yourself from the attractions of money, wealth, possessions and antiques. Detach yourself from expecting respect and reverence from others.

 

Detach yourself from expecting others to keep you informed of all the family matters and issues. Do not expect others to consult you and seek “your valuable counsel” for everything. Shower love on your grandchildren without expecting anything in return from them.

Engage yourself in developing spiritual qualities through religious austerities, by practicing yoga, japa (chanting God’s name), meditation, etc. Make sure to understand that engaging in such activities are meant to elevate your spiritual stature to a higher level and they are never meant to build your egotism to project yourself as a “highly pious and spiritual old person who has to be revered by all.”

Aging is the reality of life and it culminates in death one day. How to age gracefully and with dignity is one of the challenges of life that everyone should face and succeed at.

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How to convert to Hinduism – Is there really a way for converting?

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No single, universally acceptable procedure ever exists for getting converted to Hinduism – this is the basic truth. Why? Hinduism, in absolute reality, is not a religion, but “sanatana Dharma” – the righteous way of living; it encompasses the entire creation; it is not a religion founded by any one messiah.

Hinduism is quite different from Christianity or Islam from the point of view of its vastness in the scope of practice and perception. The concept of one supreme God, who is amenable for worship in multitudes of names and forms, is one major aspect of religion that sets Hinduism apart from other religions. This has resulted in numerous sects and sub-sects in Hinduism. Further, Hinduism as practiced at the grass root level and as comprehended at the elevated spiritual and philosophical level has a vast difference in between.

Thus, Hinduism is a multifaceted religion; it is like a pyramid with multiple faces at the bottom, culminating at a single point at the top. Obviously, there is no “single point of entry” available to the religion which is amenable and acceptable one to all. This being the reality, let us now see how one can “convert” to Hinduism for all practical purposes.

For that, one basic question must be answered. What is the motive of one to adopt Hinduism?

Adopt to Hinduism purely on spiritual motive

For some non-Hindus, Hindu’s way of worshiping a personal God with a name and form and choosing the path of Bhakti (devotion) as a way to God realization may be very appealing. For such of them, the social need of a formal conversion need not exist. For them, nothing can really hinder their choice of the personal God, method of worship, following the traditional Hindu dress codes (like wearing a Sari or Dhoti) wearing kumkum or any such religious marks at the forehead. It is up to them to seek a Guru of the particular sect of their liking and even get a “Mantra Diksha ” of the specific God form (i.e. getting initiation of the sacred name of the God for chanting and Japa).

One bhakti movement of Hinduism very popular amongst westerners is ISKCON (International Society of Krishna Consciousness), where Lord Krishna is worshiped as the prime deity.

                       Westerners singing and dancing the glory of Lord Krishna – ISCKON movement

For some other non-Hindus, the exalted spiritual truths expounded in Upanishad s (Vedanta ), Bhagavat Gita , etc. may be very appealing. At this level, the need for a personal God is non-existent. Great spiritual masters of Hinduism are of the firm opinion that the purpose of human birth is to attain Brahman or realize one’s atman, which are one and the same, viewed from two different perspectives.

This is the ultimate goal to be attained and it is varyingly termed as God realization, self-realization, attaining the knowledge of Brahman, attaining birthlessness/deathlessness (“Moksha”, “Mukthi”, “samadhi”, “nirvana”). It is this class of spiritualism that attracts quite a lot of westerners to Hinduism.

For some others, the Yoga (Kundalini Yoga, Raja Yoga, Hatha Yoga) may be attractive.

For such earnest seekers, the best advice is to seek a Guru or rather a Satguru (a guru of the highest order who has attained the truth by self-experience), surrender to him and seek his guidance. Religious organizations like Sri Ramakrishna Math, Vedanta Society (belonging to Ramakrishna Math), Mata Amritanandamyi Math, Divine Life Society, Anandashram, Ramanashramam, etc. can be of help to them.

A typical Hindu Homam (fire ceremony)

Convert to Hinduism based on worldly, social and legal motive

For example, you belong to some other religion (you could be an Indian or a foreign national) but you love a boy or a girl belonging to Hindu religion. Your in-laws are very particular that you should be (become) a Hindu; perhaps you too would love to become a Hindu or at least you have no objections to becoming a Hindu. You want to settle in India along with your spouse; you want to make sure that your religious conversion is perceived as valid, and that your marriage is valid as per laws under the Hindu Marriage Act, so that you won’t have any legal disputes whatsoever related to your marital relationship or the shared properties with your Hindu spouse.

In this case, Arya Samaj, a religious organization founded by Swami Dhayananda Saraswati (1824-1883) could offer help. This organization offers service for procedural conversion to Hinduism. This conversion practice was originally started by the founder as early as in 1877 to bring back such of those Hindus who had been converted to some other religion by choice or by coercion, who were subsequently willing to come back to Hinduism.

The procedure involves a vedic purification ceremony Called “Shuddhi Karma”.

One who wants to convert to Hinduism can approach AryaSamajTemple (existing at several places in India), make a written application along with an affidavit stating that he/she is agreeing for the conversion based on his/her free will, along with proof of age and residence signed by the applicant along with 2 witnesses.

The Shuddhi Karma (purification ceremony) involves conducting a “homam” (a typical Hindu ritual done in front of fire) involving chanting of certain Hymns from the Vedas by the applicant, as guided by a priest. It may take about one to one-and-a-half hours to complete the ceremony. After the purification ceremony, a Certificate of Conversion to Hinduism is issued to the applicant.

It is said that the conversion certificate issued by Arya Samaj is legally valid based on Indian Government Order dated March 19, 1985.

With this certificate in hand, the converted Hindu can marry the Hindu man/woman in Arya SamajTemple as per traditional Hindu marriage rites. For the marriage too, the couple has to give an application with proof of age, place of residence, etc. and an affidavit for consenting for marriage out of free will. The application must be signed and supported by 2/3 witnesses. After completion of marriage ceremony, A certificate of Marriage will be issued by Arya Samaj.

The Marriage certificate from Arya Samaj is a perfect legal document (Arya Samaj Marriage Validation Act, 1937 & Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, Sections 2(a) and subsection (c) of the explanation to Section 2).

For the purpose of getting a passport, immigration, Visa. etc. a formal marriage registration with the Registrar Office will be required, which can also be done by submitting the Arya Samaj Marriage Certificate.

A few words of caution

(1) Though “Indian Government Order dated March 19, 1985” is mentioned above, it is based on other sources at Internet. This author has not personally verified the statement, nor could he locate the specific document’s contents or details on this Government Order in other Internet sources. Perhaps it has to be verified outside the web.

(2) In Hindu society, caste system is a practical and sociological reality. Certain castes in Hinduism considered backward get privileged reservation in educational institutions and Government jobs; Arya Samaj Certification will not help in the caste orientation of the converted Hindu.

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How to learn successful marriage tips from India

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Globally, marital discords and divorces continue to be on the rise and there have always been questions whether there could be a better alternative to a man-woman relationship other than a formal marriage. However no human society has ever found a better alternative to the institution of marriage.

It is obvious that there is nothing fundamentally wrong in the arrangement of marriage, but it is only the attitude of people towards the time-tested bondage that has created problems to the institution.

 

In countries like India, unlike the western society, marriages continue to hold the traditional reverence and despite the onslaught of globalization and the resulting cross currents of cultural invasions, marriages are far more successful in India and divorce rates are far fewer than in any other developed country.

We can definitely take some clues from the Indian culture on how to ensure a lasting marital relationship. Be forewarned that some of the ideas discussed here may look archaic and unpalatable to feminists in particular.

The woman’s primary role as a mother and a homemaker

Indian culture has had its ups and downs in its vast history on the status of a woman (right from child marriage, sati, denial of education etc, to the present level of giving equal opportunities to women in education, employment, national governance, police and even in armed forces). But, even today, in the mindsets of people including a vast majority of educated and career oriented women, the woman’s primary and most respected role is motherhood and her predominant role in society is as a protector and nurturer of the household and family relationships.

Parents, grand parents, in-laws, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces — the Indian culture revolves around relationships rather than friendships. A woman acts as the binding force between all the individuals related to the family. So, in India, it is said that when a man marries, he just marries a woman, whereas a woman marries a family.

A woman, even if she is looked at as a sex object before marriage, transforms to a venerable mother once she gets married and bears a child. Even in today’s transformed culture of nucleus families where selfishness is gradually becoming a virtue, the Indian society gives the greatest respect to a married woman who never breaks families and who ensures cordial relationship with all her in-laws and other relatives.

When it comes to ensuring cordiality of relationship and welfare of children, lots of Indian women still opt to become stay-at-home moms, giving top-most priority to home rather than their careers.

Getting married at the most appropriate age

Even though man and woman attain majority at the age of 18, in well educated and cultured families in India, the woman gets married above 20 years and the man, above 25 years. It is at this age that both men and woman understand the institution of marriage better and are mature enough to face the challenges of running a family.

Ensuring adequate age difference between husband and wife

As most of the marriages in India are still arranged marriages, parents generally look for an age difference of 3 to 6 years, the boy obviously being elder. In some stray cases, age differences of even 8 to 10 years too are accepted. There is a very sound logic in this preference.

A girl attains puberty at about 12 to 14 years whereas a boy attains it at 14 to 17 years of age. There is a proportionate difference in their mental maturities too. Qualities like judging people, sense of responsibility towards one’s own life and that of those dependent on oneself, firming up of clear ideas about one’s needs, wants, ambitions etc are reasonably well developed in a woman at about 21 years.

On the other hand, a man of equal age is far more boyish, carefree and is afraid of getting into commitments and taking up responsibility. An unbridled life of freedom looks to be far more attractive to a man at that age. A man gets to grasp the importance and the responsibilities of a disciplined married life mostly above the age of 26.

Thus when a woman of 21 marries a man 4 to 5 years elder to her, the mental maturity level between them fairly matches and they will be in a better position to adjust with each other.

Fundamentally, a man, deservedly or undeservedly expects his wife to treat him as more than an equal partner. When a decent age difference exists, the woman tends to show him more respect than if he were to be of equal age to her. This psychological nuance helps in a significant way in bringing cordiality in relationship.

A woman attains menopause anywhere between her 45th to 50th age. After menopause, women drastically lose interest in sex. On the other hand, a man’s sexually virile age may extend even up to his 60 years of age. Man at around  40th of age tends to get a revived vigor in sexual cravings and a co-operative, young and a willing partner at home helps in preventing him from going astray.

Ensuring cultural compatibility

Basic human tendency is to feel comfortable and be at ease with people of their own religion, language, clan, color, sect/ sub-sect, food habits, cultural practices etc. In India, this comes through the caste system. Mostly parents insist on getting their children married within their castes or with sub-sects compatible to each other.

In India, religion plays a very powerful role in every day life. Love marriages, cutting across religious, cultural and caste barriers do not mostly succeed in India. Even highly educated people who consider themselves modern, have their sentiments deeply attached such things, even though they may deny it outwardly.

Since family relationship is a predominant factor in social relationships, arranged marriages, with a large parental influence and with due concurrence with the man and woman to be wedded, are highly successful in India when compared to love marriages where families have been sidelined.

Ensuring chastity of the man and woman

In Indian culture, chastity of man and woman before marriage is considered very important and sacred. Even in today’s highly loosened morality aided and abetted by the onslaught of globalization and westernization, a vast majority of marriages in India do take place between chaste men and women. And that’s one of the reasons why Indian culture and family structure remains intact across centuries.

Ensuring compatibility of horoscopes

In many Indian social segments, marriages are arranged after checking the compatibility of the horoscopes of the man and woman under wedlock. There is an increased resistance from younger generation to this practice; but let’s see the reality. Marital failures do happen, whether arranged marriages or love marriages. But since a vast majority of arranged marriages, done by checking the compatibility of horoscopes, is able to remain intact, despite skirmishes and petty fights between husbands and wives, there is lot of scope in believing that this age old practice does have validity.

Developing lifelong commitment to marriage

In India, marriage is considered a sacred relationship, meant for lifelongtogetherness. No marriage is ever experimented with an idea like “if something does not work out, we shall get separated without any qualms and look for an alternative relationship”.

Again, in line with global trend in India too, utter selfishness, excessive egotism and high degree of impatience have started playing havoc in several marriages. But if you consider a vast majority again, the commitment to the sanctity of marriage is very strong.

Giving top most priority to the well-being of the children

Despite the burgeoning population, Indian’s love for children is very strong. The arrival of a baby in the family is always a celebration that brings disgruntled people together. A baby cures several wounds in marital disharmony. Parents not seeing eye to eye with each other continue to live together in marital bond, purely for the sake of happiness and well being of the children. And wonderfully, this singular decision brings back fresh lease of life to the dying marital relationship in many cases.

The Indian society, despite the presence of a large number of well educated and independent-thinking women in the society, still does not treat a divorcee too gently. A divorced woman, rightly or wrongly, is somehow looked down upon as someone who is has not learned the art of adjustment, and give-and-take so essential in marriage. A divorcee getting re-married is still an uphill task, though changes are coming in this aspect gradually in Indian society.

To conclude…

The cultural glory of a country or a society is very strongly linked to the stability of marriages and relationships. A stable marriage ensures a cultured upbringing of children; Stable marriage is an indicator of peace, tolerance,harmony, unselfishness and stability in the society. Indians may still be economically backward when compared to people in western countries but, Indian culture has got certain very precious and noble things to showcase to the outer world. The Indian marriage institution is one of them.

 

 

 

Swami Vivekananda said to Sister Nivedita:  “Social life in the West is like a peal of laughter but underneath it is a wail. It ends in a sob. Here in India, it is sad and gloomy on the surface but underneath are carelessness and merriment. The West has so much to learn from the East and vice versa. The future has to be shaped by a proper fusion of the two ideals.”

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How to lead a healthy life – healthcare advice from traditional wisdom

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Health is wealth. Unfortunately, the present generation seems to be losing health mostly in the quest for wealth. Right from school days the need for excellence, competitive instincts, ambition, hard work, etc. are taught to be the most essential qualifications for success in life. And success in life is projected to be materialistic success only. Result? Stress and tension are now interwoven in people’s lives right from the childhood. And these two words are now termed as elements of present day “life style”, as though they are status symbols to boast of!

Health care expenses are rising to dangerous proportions across the globe. Unfortunately, instead of finding ways and means to live a life of better health which can reduce medical expenses, people are running around more and more hopelessly ignoring their well being in quest of money. And they think this money will fund them in the ever mounting medical expenses!

If you do not belong to this majority and you want to seriously know how to lead a healthy life that can drastically reduce your medical expenses, read on.

Your health depends on 5 major factors:

  1. Your food
  2. Your genetics
  3. Your exercise
  4. Your environment and
  5. Your immoderate cravings that decide your lifestyle. By bringing in control in what is controllable in these factors, you can live a healthier life.

Some of these suggestions on healthy living may look outlandish and impractical. Some of them may be contrary to popular and widely prevalent advice. It is up to you to grasp them, try to adopt them, modify them to suit you or reject them.

Your Food and Your Health

Everyone knows the need for a balanced food containing carbohydrate, proteins, minerals, fats and vitamins. Many health conscious people are overly concerned about the calculation of calories in their food intake. Don’t worry too much about the calculations.

  • Have a sumptuous breakfast. Whatever you eat in breakfast mostly gets burnt up. A good breakfast does not cause obesity. Let at least 50% of your day’s energy needs and nutrition come from breakfast.
  • Eat moderately at lunch.
  • Eat lightly at dinner.
  • Never eat to your stomach’s full (even in breakfast). Leave empty space for intake of water and to allow gases of digestion to escape. A rough guide could be: eat to three fourth of your stomach’s capacity in breakfast, eat to slightly more than half of your stomach’s capacity at lunch and keep half of your stomach empty at dinner.
  • Avoid munching snacks in between meal time just to satisfy your taste buds. Do not consume coffee, tea or other beverages unnecessarily in between.
  • Switch over to vegetarianism. If not possible, reduce your intake of meat and increase your proportion of vegetarian food.
  • Skip dinner at least once in a week. Consume some fruits instead, if you can’t fully skip eating.
  • Avoid drinking alcoholic drinks altogether; if you can’t, at least drastically reduce their consumption.

Your Genetics and Your Health

Physical ailments like hyper tension, diabetes, asthma, obesity etc are passed to your genes by your parents and ancestors. It only means that you have a higher probability of getting these ailments genetically. If you are conscious of your eating habits, exercise and the influence of your lifestyle, then to a fair extent you can delay the arrival of these ailments and combat them in a better way if and when they come to you.

Your Exercise and Your Health

Obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes etc have every potential to spoil the health of one who does not exercise. On the other extreme, scientists say that undertaking strenuous and physically taxing exercises may be fun at young age but they may leave negative health imprints on your body as you grow older.

Doing moderate exercise that rejuvenates your body and does not strain it too far seems to be the best option. Hence,

  • do walking regularly. Walking is by far the best form of exercise. A brisk walking for half an hour to an hour per day and moderate stretching exercises for about 10 minutes a day may prove to be quite adequate for majority.
  • Do not miss opportunities to get unobtrusive and indirect exercises right through the day. These include walking up the stairs instead of taking the lift (up to 2 to 4 floors), doing domestic chores (sweeping the floors, hand washing of clothes and utensils etc).

Your Environment and Your Health

The environment where you live can affect your health by way of pollution, heat, cold, humidity, dust etc. If you are suffering from asthma, allergies etc caused by your environment, look into the possibility of shifting your residence to some other location where the detrimental factors are less.

Your Immoderate Cravings, Your Lifestyle and Your Health

Craving for more and more money, materialistic possessions, unbridled sexual thrill, craving for achievement, for getting recognition — either through fame or through notoriety, craving for eating, for acquiring more and more creature comforts — the list is endless and all these cravings pave the way for spoiling health in every way.

If you are willing to think differently, consider these:

  • Moderation is the key to healthy and peaceful living.
  • simplify your lifestyle — your status consciousness, your eating habits, your dress and fashion, your mode of travel, and your creature comforts.
  • Travel less. Excessive traveling affects eating and sleeping patterns. It robs you of your regular exercise.
  • Be loyal to your married partner. Do not seek sexual relationship outside marriage.
  • Minimize eating out and maximize eating at home.
  • Reduce your goals and ambitions in life. Consciously slow down.
  • Be health conscious but don’t make a fetish about it. Never run to a doctor for petty ailments. Learn simple home remedies. Do not acquire more than cursory knowledge about diseases and symptoms. Do not undergo periodic and regular medical checkups unnecessarily if your health is normal.

Human mind and body are intrinsically interconnected. A peaceful mind can help a long way in maintaining a healthy body. If our goal in life is tuned towardsachieving mental peace rather than materialistic success, health will reign supreme in our body.

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How to make marriage really last for a lifetime

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A good marriage is like a delicacy. The recipe should be complete, all the ingredients must be in right proportions, the cooking should be done on the fire over the stipulated time and served neatly and sumptuously when hungry. A marriage can last for ever, just like the lingering taste of a well prepared delicacy, provided all the aspects and ingredients of marriage are perfect.

When something slightly goes amiss in cooking, an expert chef knows how to adjust and manipulate contents to ensure that the end product is ensured to be of acceptable quality. In a similar way, partners in marriage should also know the knack of adjusting for the sake of ensuring long lasting relationship in marriage.

What are the successful ingredients of a marriage that can last for ever?

In India, the reverence to the institution of marriage and family bondage are very strong. When a woman marries, she literally marries a family.

Trust in the sanctity of the institution of marriage

Marriage is just not for ensuring an outlet for the natural sexual urges for human body alone; it is a socially acceptable and time-tested practice followed across all human societies for the canalization of sexual energy in a respectable way to ensure continuation of progeny. In this process, the trust and commitment of the couple to each other is basic. The aim of marriage is a life-long togetherness for mutual care, support and for bringing up children as worthy citizens of the future.

For these to be ensured, a basic, almost “religious” trust in the institution of marriage is of paramount importance. Any marriage proposal based on fleeting attraction of the opposite sexes, mostly glorified as love for the sake of legitimacy, without a sense of commitment for long term relationship can never ensure longevity of marriage.

Of course, things can go awry in a marital relationship. Failures of marriage may be seen as the only practical reality of life all around. But that should not be a cause for entering into marital relationship without the basic trust in the sanctity of marriage. You cannot make prayers without faith in God.

Mutual respect and affection

Love is a word, which is too emotional, many times very artificially interpreted, frequently confused with love-making and many times having too short a life a span in marriage. For a marriage to last for ever, the transient love should mature in to mutual affection with an element of respect for each other. The respect need not be interpreted like the type of respect children of previous generations were expected to hold on their parents.

It is respect combined with intimacy; giving credit to the other person what is rightfully due; giving the independent breathing space; showing respect the other’s relatives and friends; giving respect to the other’s principles, values and beliefs; having trust in each other.

Need for a good foundation

Love and love-making enliven the marriage in early stages and undoubtedly they are essential ingredients in the formative stages of marriage. However, in a long lasting marriage, what is basic staple food in the beginning turns to a “side dish” over time! This should be natural. Satiating hunger of the flesh should not be the long lasting role of love and sex in marriage.

Being self-centered: Maybe Yes. Being selfish: No

There is a thick veil of difference between being self-centered and being selfish. Many people do not grasp the difference between the two.

Every individual has physical, emotional and intellectual needs – income/ financial freedom, creature comforts, love, care, respect, social status etc. If people go behind acquiring these needs with least concern about the trouble and discomfort caused to others in the process, they are selfish. On the other hand, as long as one goes in pursuit of acquiring these needs without intentionally and arrogantly causing trouble and inconvenience to the spouse in a marital relationship, they are self-centered needs.

When the spouse is willing to adjust, accommodate and even sacrifice to some extent to the self-centered needs of the partner, the marriage can last for ever but certainly not under selfish machinations of one over the other partner.

Absence of egotism

Strange though it may be, it is not uncommon to see people, who are basically far less egoistic with friends and relatives, behaving egoistically with their spouses! Some women will talk freely many personal matters with friends, cut jokes, allow others close to them to make fun of them but they will not be found be so free and jovial with their husbands. Some husbands too behave in a similar way. Some husbands will not tolerate their wives cutting jokes about their idiosyncrasies in public.

Some wives will flare up if their husband cracks any jokes about their culinary skills amidst his relatives. Some will not tolerate even slight criticism about their looks or habits by their spouses. The husband and wife may have been living together for several years but you won’t find the casualness of a good friendship between them.

Lack of egotism in the relationship between husband and wife is of prime importance in ensuring a lasting relationship with a bond that will be visible to others. With such a quality built in the psyche, forgiving and forgetting comes naturally. A bitter fight of today can be laughed off across the dining table the very next day, without leaving a taste of bitterness behind.

Accept the difference between a man and woman

Another wrong concept that breaks the basics of marriage is the idea of equality between man and woman in marriage. Man and woman are not equal. They join in relationship to complement each other – not to become equal to each other. A woman’s power lies in her capacity to love, give, share and care. A man’s power lies in being the bread winner, the protector and the leader. Man dominates by physical means and a woman balances and tames him by her emotional strength.

Where this basic difference is clearly understood, the marriage can last for ever.

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How to name a Hindu Baby

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In Hinduism, practically every aspect of human life is intrinsically connected to religion/ spirituality, whether explicitly known or unknown to the common man. Naming of a baby too falls into the category. Hinduism accepts God with numerous names and forms, though the underlying truth of the Ultimate Reality is one transcending name and form. Hinduism believes that the name of God is very holy and uttering God’s name, consciously or unconsciously has its spiritual benefits.

Naturally, naming of children predominantly with divine names is most prevalent in Hinduism. It is widely believed that by calling out the child, you are in fact uttering the name of a God and by that a spiritual benefit accrues to you. Next to names of Gods, many holy rivers, mountains and hills, and some places associated with Gods, Godly persons, abodes of popular temples etc. are also popularly used in naming of children.

Amma (Mata Amritnandamayi) giving the first feed of rice to a devotee’s child.

Naming of children based on popular characters in Hindu mythological stories is also practiced. Naming after very popular saints and sages, great personalities, names based on nature, season and celestial beings are also quite prevalent. Naming is also done based on adorable human qualities, aspects of human beauty, etc.

Most predominantly, the names have their origin and meaning in Sanskrit language. Sanskrit is one of the oldest languages of Hinduism and most of the Hindu holy scriptures are in Sanskrit. Ancient Hindu scriptures, mythological stories and hymns in Sanskrit are abundant store-houses of information for sourcing Hindu names.

Other than Sanskrit language, ancient Dravidian languages like Tamil also contain meaningful names that are used by people of specific ethnicity and cultural identity.

Now let us go into details of how to name a Hindu baby, with some examples:

Name the baby after God’s holy names

In Hinduism, as already said, there are innumerable God forms available for worship as suited to the taste, aptitude and temperament of the believer.

Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva are the holy trinity of Gods who represent the creation, preservation and destruction functions of the supreme Reality — the Brahman. They are male Gods who have their divine companions in Saraswati, Laksmi and Shakthi respectively, who are female Gods.

While Brahma is not widely worshiped, worship of Vishnu and Shiva and their divine consorts is most widely practiced. Lord Vishnu has “sahasranamam” (thousand names) and a separate Hymn called Vishnu Sahasranamam is available (which is part of the Holy epic, Mahabharata). It is a rich source of Hindu names. For example Lord Vishnu’s names — Hari, Kesav/ Kesavan, Madhav/ Madhavan, Narayan/Narayanan, Govind/Govindan, Vikram/ Vikraman, Vasudev/ Vasudevan, Janardhan/Janardhanan, Sridhar/ Sridharan, Dhamodhar/ Dhamodharan , etc. — are some of the most popular Hindu baby names.

Likewise, Lord Shiva’s popular names — Gangadhar, Mahadev, Mahesh, Sambu, Maheshwar, etc. — are used.

Shakthi, the divine consort of Shiva, is a very popular female God who is considered as the universal mother. Another separate sahasranamam known as Lalitha saharanamam is available as a popular hymn that contains innumerable names of Shakhi. It is a very rich source of female names. For example, Lalitha, Parvathi, Uma, Durga, Gowri, Chandi,Kamakshi, Visalakshi, Maya, Bhavani, Ambika, Bhuvaneshwari, etc.

Other than the holy trinity, Gods like Ganesha, Subramanya and Ayyappa are also worshiped popularly, and hymns in praise of them contain numerous names used popularly for naming children. Examples: Ganapathy, Murugan, Saravanan, Sivakumar, etc.

Name the baby based on God’s ‘Avatar’s

An “Avatar” is God, descended to earth in Human form. Lord Vishnu is believed to take 10 avatars and “Rama” and “Krishna” avatars are the most popular among them. While these two names are extremely popular and widely used Hindu baby names, there are numerous other names of these two (and other avatars) like Raghu, Raghav, etc. for Rama; Gopal, Giridhar, Kannan, Parthasarathy, Vasudeva etc. for Krishna; and Narasimha, Parasuram and others.

The name of Rama’s wife, Sita and her other names like Mythili and Janaki are widely used. The name of Krishna’s childhood companion — Radha, whose love for Krishna is divine — is a very widely used Hindu female name. Names of Bhama and Rukmani, wives of Krishna, are also popular Hindu baby names.

You can also combine God’s names

Another beautiful way of naming is to combine the names of female and male Gods. Examples: Lakshmi Narayan, Sita Ram, Radha Krishnan, Uma Maheshwar (all used as male names). Names of male Gods as identified by their consorts also make great Hindu baby names. Example: Sitapathi, Umapathi, Sripathi (pathi means husband), Srinivas, etc.Combining two names of Gods and combining the name of a God with an attribute are also in vogue.

Example: Rama Krishnan, Shiv Narayan, Rama Subramanyan, Ganapathi Subramanyan, Sivaram, Venkat Ram, Kalyan Raman, Raghuram, Ananta Ram, etc.

Name the Hindu baby after holy rives and places

Rivers are considered feminine. Names of holy rivers — like Ganga (Mandhakini, Bhagirati), Jamuna, Godhavari, Kaveri etc. — are popular female names.

Names of holy mountains, hills and places associated with holiness (which are treated masculine) — like Himadhri, Badri, Kedar, Amarnath, Kailash, Seshadri, Venkatadri, Tirupathi, Ezhumalai, Palani, Annamalai, Madurai, Chidambaram, Kashi, etc. — are also popular Hindu baby names. Some of these names are more specific to south India.

Name the baby after popular mythological characters

Ramayana and Mahabharatha are the two most popular epics of Hinduism. Ramayana contains the story of Rama. Srimad Bhagavatam is another holy mythology containing the story of Lord Krishna and several other divine personalities.

The names of several distinguished characters in these stories are popularly used to name a Hindu baby. For example, Kousalya (mother of Rama), Devaki (mother of Krishna), Sumitra, Bharat, Laksman, Chatrugan, Dasarath, Vibhishan, Guhan, Urmila, Bhishma, Arjun, Draupati, Balaram, Vasudev, Subhadra, Karan, etc. Celestial characters like Ramba, Urvashi, Menaka (the female celestial dancers), Devendra, Indra, Varun, Savita, etc. are also in vogue as Hindu baby names.

Name your Hindu baby after popular saints, sages and personalities

Some such popular names are Ramakrishna, Ramana, Ramadass, Meera, Thukaram, Thyagaraja, Vivekanand, Shivaji, Mohandas, Jawahar, etc.

Name the baby based on nature, celestial objects, etc.

Sun, moon and stars are being used as Hindu baby names: Ravi, Soorya, Aditya, Dhinakar, Dhinesh, Bhaskar (all representing Sun).Indhu, Prabha, Mathi, Nila, Chandra (representing moon).

In Hinduism, the stars are divided into 27 constellations and many of them are used in (mostly female) names like Ashwini, Bharani, Krithika, Rohini, Anuradha, Anusha, Chitra, Revathi, etc. Seasons like Sharat, Basant/Basanti are used as Hindu baby names. Natural elements — Pritvi (earth), Akash (sky), Pawan (Air) etc. — are popular options.

Hindu system of almanac has 60 names of years and they repeat in cycle. Some of the year-names are also used for children born in the specific year e.g. Sowmya, Akshaya, Sarvajit, Vikram, Vijay, Chitrabhanu, etc.

Even different periods of a day like Diva (day), Nishi/ Nisha (night), Usha (pre-dawn), Udhaya (dawn), Sandhya (twilight) are used as Hindu baby names. Several names of flowers — Mallika (jasmine), Padma, Kamala, Komala, Pankaja (all representing lotus), Roja (rose), Pushpa (flower) are popularly used. All these are female names.Name the baby with meaningful Sanskrit words.

The beauty of Sanskrit language is that almost all of the names that we discussed above have meanings. Other than those, there are plenty of names in vogue that have very significant meanings related to adorable divine and human qualities, beauty of human features, etc. In fact, the sahasranamams that we mentioned above contain plenty of divine attributes and qualities of the Gods that become representative of the God him/herself. Thus a plethora of “names of attributes” are available as Hindu baby names.

Some examples of male names: Purushotam (greatest among men), Ajay/ Ajit (unconquerable), Padmanabhan (Lotus-navelled), Chakrapani (Carrier of Wheel), Kothandapani (carrier of Bow) Chandrachud (wearer of moon in head), Akshai (deathless), Sukumar (good son), Abhai (Fearless), Anand (Bliss), Vinai (obedient) etc.

Some examples of female names: Shanti/Shanta (peace), Subhashini (sweet talker), Vijaya (conquerer), Sowmya, Sulakshana (beautiful), Sukanya (good daughter), Kamakshi (Ruler of passions), Sunayna (Beautiful-eyed), Priya (lovable), Sushila (Good conduct), Anandhi (Bliss), Subha (auspicious), shobha (glow), and so on.

Shri (wealthy and prosperous) is another name of Lakshmi which is popularly combined with other female names – Jayashri, Subhashri, Nityashri, Rajashree etc

As mentioned earlier, region- or language-specific meaningful names are also popular when naming Hindu babies. For example, in Tamil, some popular female names are Kayalvizhi (fish-eyed), Thenmozhi (nectar like words), Mangayarkarasi (Queen among woman), Selvi (the wealthy), Pattu (silk), Ponni (Goldie), etc.

Know about naming conventions

All the names given above are used as first names. Generally, people belonging to a particular sect of religion will follow names generally used within their sect. For example, orthodox worshipers of Vishnu would normally restrict naming their children with names associated with Vishnu or his divine consort Lakshmi. Usage of names belonging to Christianity or Islam is neither practiced nor encouraged.

A typical Hindu name generally consists of a first name, optionally a second/last name and a surname. The second name could be the name of the father, or a traditional hereditary name. The surname is again based on heredity and lineage and it could indicate the caste; a sub-sect of the religious following; the traditional profession of ancient forefathers; the identity of a clan or the name of the originating place of the clan; or the name of the ancient house, etc. It all depends on the traditions and practices of the family and the region they belong to.

In the present generation, the practice of adding the name of the caste as a surname is discouraged. There is also a growing tendency to use only short and sweet names that are not particularly identifiable to any God. In south India (Tamil Nadu), only the first name is used and (the second name or) father’s name is used just in initials.

In many families naming the baby after the grand-father or grand-mother is practiced; In the present generation, however, such practices are being given a go-by.

Know about naming after religious conversions. 

India has traditionally been a melting pot of various religions. Historically, invasions from Moghals and the British brought together conversion of innumerable people from Hinduism to Islam and Christianity. Those who convert to Islam take up conventional Islamic names. Under Christianity, while typical Christian names are generally adopted, there are also flexible cases of co-existence of some Hindu names juxtaposed with a Christian name. Examples: Robert Rajasekhar, John Desikar, Joseph Sathyanathan, Daniel Arulraj,

Another interesting development happening in the past few years is the influx of westerners to India in search of a more meaningful life through the understanding and practicing of Hinduism. Many of them come under the care of revered Saints and Sages in India and after a period of initiation, quite a large number of them willfully seek change of their names to typical Hindu names.

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How to understand men in a marital relationship

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Men, unlike women, are far easier to understand. Most men are very eager to understand women, but they are not really shrewd enough for the task since women are not open enough to be understood easily! On the other hand, women are quite shrewd to understand men who are far less complicated a creation of God, provided women are eager enough to observe and learn!

What do women basically want from men? Security, loyalty, love, understanding and emotional support. To get some or all these from men, women have got to make certain sacrifices in life and a good understanding of men can help women a lot in this respect.

A word of caution: Some of the ideas discussed in this article may be quite unpalatable to feminists. Also, not all men will fit into the stereotypes discussed here.

1) Man wants some degree of respect from his woman

Whether he deserves it or not, whether he can reciprocate it or not, man want his woman to show some degree of respect to him. This expectation may come in several forms:

  • Giving him the pleasure of delivering the last word in an argument or in decision making
  • Not shouting at him back over and above his voice in an argument
  • Not rubbing him at the wrong side when he is in an irritable mood
  • Not seriously criticizing him or complaining about him to his friends and dear ones (but making fun of his idiosyncrasies in a light hearted way without intentionally hurting him is okay)
  • Not trying to dominate him in an authoritative or commanding voice or manners
  • Not commanding or demanding his support or assistance in doing or sharing domestic chores as a matter of right.

2) Most men do not believe in “equal partnership” in marital relationship

Even though they may eulogize such a relationship verbally, most men, heart of heart, believe in the dictum of the Orwellian Jungle – “some animals are more equal than others”! There are deep psychological reasons behind it. We shall come to them later in this article.

Whether he truly deserves one-upmanship or not, man thinks and believes that, whatever be the qualities that his woman may possess better than him – be it good looks, age, education, proficiency in fine arts, earnings or professional status, his status as “man” is one step above all these of a woman. He cannot easily digest any domination of his woman on the strength any of these qualities. He may compromise and accept domination by the woman due to practical or selfish considerations in short term, but the basic resistance will always be seething inside him, and it will show its ugly head one day or other.

…and men cannot digest it!

3) A Man’s mental maturity is mostly a shade less than that of a woman of same age

This is one of the reasons why a woman is generally advised to marry a man older than her. Women attain both physical and mental maturity at much younger age than men. A girl attains puberty at about 12 to 14 years where as a boy attains it at 14 to 17 years of age. A girl’s instinct about the opposite sex is much more developed at the teen age in comparison with boys.

Nothing to do with aging!


Seeing the world and observing people, sense of responsibility towards one’s own life and that of those dependent on oneself, firming up of clear ideas about one’s needs and wants, goals and ambitions etc are reasonably well developed in a woman at about 21 years; on the other hand, a man of comparable age is far more boyish, carefree, takes things too lightly and is afraid of getting into commitments and taking up responsibility. An unbridled, play-boy life looks to be far more attractive to a man at that age than one of commitment and responsibility of a marital relationship.

A level of mental maturity towards a disciplined family life and the realization that love and affection of a caring wife is far more valuable than a physical outlet for lust comes to a man somewhere above the age of twenty six or so.

 

 

4) Sexual urge in a man is much more strong and explicit than in women

And it remains over a much longer age.

The sexual urge and overt need of sexual gratification get subsided in a woman to an extent once she becomes a mother. After the age of 35, a woman’s sexual urges get toned down considerably and in her late forties the woman attains menopause which, on most women, drastically curbs her sexual needs.

That’s not the case with men. Men sexual urges remain strong for quite long and their virility can extent even up to the age of 60. Men’s sexual urges get excited through their visual faculty predominantly. That’s why, man’s inherent tendency to ogle at shapely women shamelessly remains in them, unmindful of their aging. The reason for most men viewing pornography irrespective of their age, maturity, marital status, objections from partners etc is primarily because of their getting sexual arousal through the visual medium.

To state crudely, this tendency of men is akin to a dog’s “natural urge to urinate” at the sight of a lamp-post!

5) A woman is essentially designed to be a “mother” by nature; but a man has no such natural fatherly instincts.

Emotionally and biologically, a woman reaches her “wholeness” only through motherhood. That’s how God has created her. But that’s not the case with men. Most women are natural mothers. Most men are not natural fathers. Fatherly love is something that a man cultivates, aided and inspired by the love of the mother and the attraction of Godliness in a child. No man can ever play the role of a mother to his children, whatever be the extent of his love.

6) A man loves to be loved like a mother by his wife

A man’s bondage to his mother, by nature, is too strong than a woman’s bondage to her mother. A man, heart of heart, craves for the motherly tender care from his wife; he loves to have her attention, cuddling, her concern on his welfare, her cooking and filling his stomach with the foods of his taste and so on.

7) A man willingly submits to woman’s domination only through love

As we have seen in point (1) above, a man cannot, by nature, tolerate an authoritatively dominating woman. But the same man willingly submits to his wife, provided she floors him by her love, affection, commitment and loyalty to him and her care of their family and children. Fortunately, God has given all these qualities to woman, but some woman who cannot digest this simple natural fact, tend to play the wrong cards and lose the game in their lives.

8) Men are far less expressive verbally, unlike women

Men believe that their feelings and love are to be better understood by their actions than words. Many men get exasperated by women’s natural tendency to expect expression of love, even if it sounds too artificial, through the words of men.

9) Man’s basic instincts always makes him believe that his role and responsibility is essentially outside the house

That’s why he has lots of mental resistance to extend help in domestic chores to his wife; while on one hand he comfortably enjoys the monetary benefits of an employed wife bringing in money, he assiduously and selfishly tends to ignore the moral obligation to return favors to his wife by way of sharing her domestic chores.

10) Physical brute ness and polygamist tendencies in a man of today are highly subdued, but remain buried deep inside

On account of gradual evolution, education and cultural growth, men’s animal-like aggressive instincts and polygamist tendencies have been highly toned down, but they remain very much deeply buried in most men’s psyche.

It’s a woman’s tenderness, capacity to love him despite all his weaknesses and her inclination to lean on him for security, support and succor that makes the brute in the man to behave nicely with his woman. A man, heart of heart, thinks that he has compromised a lot from his basic instincts and that he deserves that much of extra love, respect and one-upmanship in his relationship with the woman.

Cause and effect?

11) Many men believe that women are gifted better histrionic capabilities that men can not match on equal footing.

Such men believe that if a woman can assault and hurt them with words, they have the right to use physical force to counter it and think there is nothing wrong in it. If a man is expected to digest a woman’s verbal onslaught post-fight, he thinks a woman is expected to digest his physical assault and call it a truce.

Over and above all these, there are several other unique aspects of men that are normally discussed in many books of psychology and those points are not repeated here.

If a woman can understand all these fine psychological realities about a man, she gets the right key to handle her man the right way. Women of previous generations had a better grasp of this reality than the present generation and they were far more successful in walking over the knife edge of life than the woman of present generation, who expect, want and demand total equality. Families break on account of such misunderstandings and women continue to remain the most emotionally affected lot in the bargain.

Related reading: Learning successful marriage tips from India

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